A lesson on not judging people...

I just wanted to post about how wrong I was about the person I spoke of here -I saw her again at same Starbucks, but this time we sat sortof behind her. Ed pointed at her laptop and I said "yeah, I saw it" dismissively. But, he indicated again that I should read what was on her screen. ...okay, I was curious, so I looked -it looked like she was in a 12-step type program about "Coming Out To God" (and I think that's the title of a book she had beside her).

That lead me to think about how, based on her laptop which was covered in "gay stickers", I had previously assumed she was one of those "angry lesbians". How wrong I was! She is, instead, one of those hurt by the church's refusal to accept gayness as a trait instead of a choice. I totally sympathize with her now. -it's hard enough to accept on it's own without the church telling you your attraction is wrong or (at the extreme end) yelling "God hates fags!" as you walk hand in hand with your partner without thinking about the consequences.

How very sad for the world that this cannot be accepted (yet). It will. Eventually. And all you people who make us feel bad about WHO WE ARE... I hope you feel as foolish and apologetic as those who've defended apartheid, fought against women's right to vote, etc.

Oh, and I've learned my lesson not to judge people too :-( Sorry to you, whoever you are, Starbucks woman... I wish I had the courage to say something supportive to you then and there, but we're on way opposite poles as far as the religion thing goes, so I didn't even know where to start. You've got it WAY harder than I do.

...but what about those stickers? -I suppose I could admire the courage to display something so personal while you seem to be struggling for acceptance -even for/from yourself. But it seems that, in this case anyway, the root of it is just overcompensation, then right? Perhaps. But, I guess I don't really feel like making sweeping generalizations anymore... :-(

Supporting a cause VS being confrontational about it

I've yet to come right out and say this on my blog because I have no idea who reads it. I know my Mom's read a couple of my photography-related posts that were linked to from Flickr, but I don't think she reads it regularly. Anyway, I consider myself bi. There. That should be fun if my family finds it...

Anyway, I deeply believe in supporting gay rights. In fact, I can't understand how anyone can deny that it's a cut and dry civil rights issue. So, there's a part of me that wants to put that HRC sticker on the back of my car.

Similarly, I want a Darwin Fish or something to counter all the religious cr@p people put on the backs of their cars.

Both are reactions to feeling attacked. Is it really a fault to be attracted to people of the same sex? Science says it's not a choice, and I have felt this way all my life. My only choice was to restrict myself to men and the result is that I've always questioned myself to the point where I felt asexual at times. Everything in my life has to be carefully controlled and outwardly perfect just like I was raised to be when our family was being torn apart by alcoholism. (Which is no one's fault, it's just a disease we need to find better treatments for.)

And, the religious (Christian) fundamentals (I try hard not to lump everyone into that group, but...) are trying to push science out of schools when our schools are doing so poorly already. They interrupt a Hindu guest's opening prayer in the Senate, while calling for more religious tolerance (huh?). And they fight to exclude the recognition of other religions by protesting stores that wish people "Happy Holidays" rather than restrict their kindness to Christians by wishing their customers a "Merry Christmas".

So, what am I to do? I feel the need to fight back. Explain my views. So, I started thinking about getting a couple bumper stickers. Until...

I walked into Starbucks one day, ordered a mocha, and went to sit down. I noticed that the lady beside working feverishly on her laptop had a rainbow sticker on there. Cool. She's a "friendly". I went on with my sipping, reading my cup, talking to Ed, etc. Then, I glanced over again and looked at the rest of the stickers on her laptop. Wow. There must have been at least 10 -the whole top was covered in stickers, and every last one of them related to her sexuality.

It was then that I realized that that's not who I want to be. Despite our similar positions on GLBT issues, she's more like the people I hate than those I'd want to align myself with. The problem -no matter what side of either debate we are on, is militantism. So, you're a Christian and I'm an atheist. As long as we respect each other's beliefs, why does it matter? Don't try to push me to believe what you believe, and I won't argue with you about why I think your beliefs are silly. End of story. -Sure, gay marriage isn't quite as easily dismissed because there's laws being considered, and that means a side must be taken, and a vote cast either for or against. But, if that same mindset were applied, I think we'd all be better off.

To push this (probably farther than I should) -I mean, what are the arguments against gay marriage? Well, you have a majority Christian nation who's led by a church who interprets one line in the Old Testament as saying homosexuality is bad. (Of course, that line is just a few pages away from several lines explaining that God wants you to make sacrifices of "burnt flesh" to him, but hey, that's the OLD Testament, no one really believes that stuff anym... oh, wait...). And the other argument is that it'd corrupt heterosexual marriage (how is that, exactly?). The one issue that may hold water is homosexual couples raising children, but that's a seperate issue anyway, isn't it? I mean, a gay couple can't produce children on their own... Yes, I know they can find a donor and produce a child that way -my answer for that is this: There are no parenting classes or consideration given to heterosexual couples who want to marry. Known violent offenders can marry anyone, including each other. Retarded couples can marry and have children...

Blah. This is just making me angrier. What do I, as a reasonable adult do? Fight back and add to the horde of people who take an in-your-face stance on their positions? Or do I sit back down and just hope people come to their senses on their own. One thing's for sure, you'll never change anyone's mind with a bumper sticker. So, how do you quietly make your arguments known? Perhaps my answer lies in my first reaction to the woman in Starbucks when I thought she just had one rainbow sticker... Hmm...

A correction about the Starbucks woman is here.

My take on this Senator Larry Craig thing...

I see this whole thing as being very sad.

Senator Craig was born in 1945, and therefore, grew up in the 1950's. An era that held homosexuality as a "sickness" that was "contagious" as you can hear and see for yourself in the 1950's era video "Boys Beware" here:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1342644952171097956

How horrible to grow up thinking you are "sick" for being gay. It's now known that homosexuality is very much a biological trait, but we haven't quite reached the level of acceptance that's required for even a Democrat to come out as gay in most places, much less a Republican.

So, for his entire life, Craig (assuming he IS gay) has been told that his feelings towards men are unnatural, sick, and harmful to society. I assume that HE believes this too, based on his voting record.

Why are we surprised, then, when he must release his repressed needs, that he choose to do so in a bathroom. It's dirty, right? The washroom is a private place for taking care all of our disgusting, embarrassing, animalistic needs, isn't it logical that he and others choose that location to take care of their "dirty" sexual needs as well?

Perhaps when we, as a society, can accept gayness as a trait, much like gender or race, we'll move on from teaching our children to hate themselves to the point where they are so repressed they seek out anonymous sex in airport bathrooms and try to pass measures against people of their own kind who's only crime is to love someone of the same gender.

To further illustrate how we ourselves have created this problem, countries like Canada, are celebrating the marriage of their gay public officials (link to story) instead of wallowing in scandals such as Senator Craig's, Mark Foley's, etc.

Make sure your child doesn't end up gay

A coworker of mine expressed his relief that, although his teenage son was caught looking at inappropriate things on the internet, at least he wasn't looking at naked men...

And I had a thought...

For all of you who feel this way, here's how to make sure you never hear your child say that he or she is gay. -Remind them often that homosexuality is bad. It's a crime against nature. If you're religious at all remind them that God hates gays. Homosexuality is a crime against God! Repeat this often enough that they know how important their "straightness" is to you. Punish them for watching TV shows portraying gays as "normal". Refuse to allow them to hang out with kids who may be gay. Make them know that your pride rests on their sexual prefrence.

That way, if they are gay, maybe they'll kill themselves before your friends find out.

Protecting the institution of marriage

Proponents of a CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT (!?!) banning same-sex marriage say they are doing so in order to "protect the institution of marriage". My reaction to this statement shouldn't be unique. Anyone who gives this issue any thought at all should have the same basic question as I do. ..

Protect marriage against what?

• It's estimated that 4 million woman are abused by their husbands or live-in boyfriends each year. -Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998
• 1/3 of woman will be abused by their husbands or boyfirend at some point in their life. –Commonwealth Fund survey, 1998
• Where there is domestic violence and children in the home, the children are also abused in 30% to 60% of the cases. – "The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." J.L. Edleson, Violence Against Women, February, 1999
<>In 1996, among all female murder victims in the U.S., 30% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends. – Uniform Crime Reports of the U.S. 1996, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1996

Is that what they're protecting? or do they just not like the thought of 2 men having sex? I mean, I really don't get it. I understand that a person's first reaction to the thought of homosexuality is "ew, gross", but how does it go from a general dislike of the idea to wanting to ban it? We're not talking about making everyone choose a same-sex wife/husband. We're talking about equal rights for people who's persuasions may be different from your own. In fact, this strikes me as very similar to the racism that sparked the seperate drinking fountains, etc that we're all pretty embarrased about (or should be) when we look back on it. My advice, save yourself the embarrasment, don't jump on this ban-gay-marriage bandwagon. Who knows, one of your children, grandchildren, nieces, or nephews is probably gay. Would you really want to deprive them of the ability to make a life-long commitment to their life partner (in the eyes of the law)?

Oh, and as an FYI: It's not the ring or ceremony that same-sex couples are after, they want the rights that come along with marriage: death benefits, visitation rights in hospitals, insurance benefits/breaks,etc. Why deny this 2 people who love each other? How would their marriage effect yours?

If I'm missing something, let me know. I just don't get it.