A prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster...

Our Pasta, who art in colander,
Draining be your noodles.
Thy noodle come, thy sauce be yum,
on top some grated parmesan.
Give us this day our garlic bread, and
forgive us our tresspasses as we
forgive those who trample our lawns.
And lead us not into vegetarianism,
but deliver us some pizza,
for thine is the meatball, the noodle,
and the sauce,
forever and ever.

RAMEN

I'm a cultural genious!

Today I realized that in England the song "Skip to my loo" would be about going to the bathroom.

Special Intrests Groups Weigh In On The Next Pope

Ed and I were getting ready for bed, and I'm deathly afraid of silence, so I had the radio tuned into News Radio 780. They were talking about a woman's group who were down at the Vatican making pink smoke to signify the fact that they think that the Catholic church should let women into positions of power. They also interviewed some people about the possibility of the next Pope being black.

This got Ed and my heads churning. The conversation went something like this:

Ed: I think the next Pope should be a black woman.
Erica: Yeah. With a disability. And maybe AIDS?
Ed: And she should be gay.
Erica: Maybe trans-gender?
Ed: Or a child-molester? Think about it.
Erica: Yeah, at least they wouldn't have to cover it up anymore.
Ed: Ooh! I have it! The next Pope will be Michael Jackson! -Where else but in America can a promising young black boy grow up to be a beautiful white woman?

(He loves that quote.)

Anyway, I about fell off the bed when he said that, so I thought I'd share.

"Put a flag on your car...it's literally the least you can do."

(The title of today's blog entry is from Bill Maher's 2002 book When You Ride Alone, You Ride With bin Laden.)

All the magnetic ribbons and bumper stickers that have been stuck on cars since 9/11 is astounding! At first they were an okay idea, but it's gotten out of hand. I mean, now they have ribbons for sports teams! -I've seen "Bears" ribbons, "Cubs" ribbons, "White Sox"...
Basically they've become so commercialized that they have lost their meaning.

For educational purposes, here's a list of ribbons (there are others besides yellow, red, and pink!): http://www.craftsnscraps.com/jewelry/ribbons.html

And a link to a great ribbon parody site: http://www.supportourribbons.com/index.php

Which leads me to something I've thought about doing several times now. -Switching magnetic ribbons on people. How funny would it be to take the cammo "Support Our Troops" ribbon off of that big truck and switch it from the "Support a Cure for Breast Cancer" pink ribbon from the VW Beetle next to it? Or, switch the cammo ribbon with the rainbow one? How about the "Cubs" and the "Sox"?
-No, you could get killed over that one...

So go forth and swap ribbons!

Ending hunger. 2 ideas in 1.

Last night we had dinner at Lone Star (a steakhouse/bar). We were seated in a nearly empty dining room (it was very early). The one other table that had been sat was occupied by a mother and 2 children. One of the children was wining and crying non-stop. The mother did little to quiet him/her. Soon another party came in and they were sat behind us. Before they were even seated fights broke out among 3 of the children. "I don't wanna sit by him!" "Mom! Tommy has my toy and won't give it back!" I was ready to kill. If they kept it up, I was prepared to ask to be moved. I was in no mood to deal with this noise. I decided against having kids. Why do I have to deal with everyone else's? We were in a steakhouse/bar for Ghod sakes! As Ed and I were commenting on all the kids, the table infront of us was sat. Another mother and 2 small kids. Luckily, those children were very well behaved and we didn't hear a peep out of them all through our meal. I decided against killing anyone at that table if I went berserk. -It was a possibility at that point... Anyway, we got through the meal, and as we left we figured out why there were so many kids. We parked right infront of a banner that said "Kids eat FREE on Tuesdays!" Great. Cross off Lone Star as a dining choice on Tuesday nights... Still, parents should either teach their kids how to behave in a restaurant or not bring them until they can be quiet enough to not disturb the other patrons. Alternatively, restaurants could creat "family sections" to condense the noise into one central area so the rest of us have a hope of eating in peace.

But that's not what I was really going to write about today. See, a couple of years ago I came up with the answer to hunger in our area, if not in the whole country and I figured I better share! The idea came to me while driving in late spring. It was a familiar scene -a beautiful pond (okay, a retention pond) crammed with Canadian geese. They were wing-to-wing, filling an area roughly the size of a football field. And it isn't a temporary thing! If you live around here you know there's a definite "goose problem". You go out for a walk around our old apartment's grounds and there's goose poop everywhere! They make a mess of everything. Something needs to be done! A-ha! Geese are eatable. Why not allow hunting and/or trapping of geese until the population's under control? The meat could be used to feed the hungry... I think it's a good idea!

My other idea, if the goose thing doesn't work out. Is allowing the eating of noisy kids in restaurants. The world would be a much better (quieter) place. The meat could be used to feed the hungry as well ala "Soylent Green". Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "baby food"...

I hate people...

How to destroy the earth.
...I'm thinking about it.

Stupid Motivational Posters

I saw this in OfficeMax and almost died laughing...

Some people at "Successories" need a history lesson!


Dumb names for cars

I was driving behind a minivan today, then I noticed the name... Oldsmobile Silhouette. Who in their right mind would name a minivan "Silhouette"?

Mmmm... boxy.
:-P

Bush's Bulge

I recently ran into this webpage:
http://pittsburgh.indymedia.org/news/2004/12/16890.php
discussing a box-shaped bulge seen on various occasions on Bush's back.

It's an interesting read, and although it's all speculation the arguments that it may be a wearable heart montior/defibulator seem credible.

The debate seems to be raging on all over the internet. Some say it's a back brace:
http://ungodlypolitics.blogspot.com/2004/10/its-back-brace-folks.html
Others think it's a wire:
http://isbushwired.com/ or http://bushwired.blogspot.com/
The secret service say it's a bulletproof vest:
http://politicalwire.com/archives/2004/11/05/last_word_on_bushs_bulge.html
Bush's tailor said it was just a wrinkle:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2002058469_bushbulge09.html

The amusing part is #1 that this is a big internet conspiracy, but hasn't shown up on mainstream news at all (a conspiracy in itself?) and #2 that the White House hasn't laid these rumors to rest. We get one reason from the Secret Service, and another from his tailor, and... (?).

Whichever theory is correct, and I don't think we'll ever know, I think this indicates rather strongly that people generally don't trust the President (and our government?) and that mainstream media is either filtering their stories to the benefit of our President, or they just aren't in line with the interests of the American people. I mean come on, it's at least an amusing story...

(Here's a nice summary article: http://slate.msn.com/id/2108354/ )

The meaning of life.

I was driving along this morning and all of a sudden it hit me. I mean, I wasn't really thinking about it or anything, but boom! Enlightenment! The meaning of life -it was so simple... I understand now why it's so elusive.

It's right there, look... In the dictionary! The meaning of life! -I know, you probably don't believe me, it sounds so simple, but look! Wait, you're on the internet... It's even easier, pull up http://www.dictionary.com (great site) and look for yourself.

Not enough? Okay, I'll break it down for you. The simple answer is this -life is a biological process. That's it. For humans it's a beating heart, the process of breathing... That's all life is. Simple? Boring? It's supposed to be!

Life is the base. The rest is up to you!

One of those days...

A man tried to set fire to the US Embassy in Tunis today in a suicide attack. He failed to do any harm to the embassy, and was only slightly injured from the impact of his car hitting the outside wall of the embassy.

I guess even terrorists have bad days...