The wedding, the cruise...

Whew! It's over :) ...but it's over :(
-Here's a synopsis...

Thursday, January 12:
I got home from work and immediately started packing what I could. For the most part I had my clothes packed from earlier in the week, but I needed to gather up jewelry and other odds and ends. I also had to test-fit the recently picked up dry cleaning stuff to see if it'd fit in our garmet bag, finish up some last-minute laundry, etc. Soon, Ed came home and we left to drop the dog off at the vet for boarding and grab the last chicago-style pizza we'd have for a week (Oh noes!).

But since we chose Giordano's , Ed had to have some last-minute Cold Stone ice cream as well. When we were done there, we climbed back into the car and started back towards home to finish packing and get to bed. 1 block later I remembered that we needed to pick up a new garmet bag since our old one was too small, so off to Target we went. At 9:50pm (10 minutes before closing) we stood at the checkout panting, but with a (pretty nice) garmet bag on wheels in tow.

We got home and packed until 1am when we both collapsed onto the bed from exhaustion.

Friday, January 13:
Around 9am we woke up, packed up the last-minute items and then headed out to return our rental car (our WRX was in the shop due to an accident on New Year's Eve), then we had to mail a rebate for Ed's phone and pick up some cash for the trip. We got back around 10am and I remembered that I needed to send out my Thank-You cards for all my shower gifts! So, we addressed the envelopes, put stamps and return address stickers on them (assembly line style) and threw them in our carry-on hoping to find a mailbox somewhere. Just as we were finishing up the taxi arrived (early), so Ed started bringing out the luggage as I finished up the thank-you's and turned off all the lights. I then locked the doors ran out of the house before they left without me ;)

As we headed towards the expressway I checked to make sure we had the unreplaceables -the cruise tickets, our passports, etc. They were there. Anything else we forgot we could buy in Miami or on the ship, right? :P

As the taxi driver got on the on-ramp for I-88 he quickly slowed down and brought the car to a stop on the shoulder. "Don't worry" he said. Mmm... too late. What's up? -He turned the car off, then back on and headed back on the ramp. Soon after getting onto I-88 he pulled over again. Turns out he just got his car back from the shop where they replaced his transmission. Well, he's still having problems. It sometimes refuses to shift and he has to turn the car off then back on (resetting the TCU) and try again. Well, all the way to the airport whenever he slowed down (for tolls or whatever), he'd have to play with it. It was annoying, but I felt bad for the guy -I mean, his car is is livelyhood and he looses more money than just the cost of repairs when it's in the shop. We left ridiculously early anyway, so it was no big deal. I tipped him well for getting us there dispite the trouble with his car and for helping us with all of our heavy luggage.

By the time we got to the airport, the drizzle that just started as we got into the taxi turned to a full-blown snowstorm. I hoped it wouldn't delay our flight as we checked in via the automated system, turned over our luggage, slid through security, and headed for Chili's to eat lunch with inadequate plastic utensils. (We were hungry, though, so it didn't really matter.) After lunch, Ed hit Starbucks to get the last of his essentials before roughing it for a week :P -then we picked up a some Mrs. Fields cookies to eat on the plane and headed for our gate.

Soon after finding a place to sit at the gate, my Mom, Dad, Jeff, Grandma, and Aunt Dolores arrived there as well. Boarding was starting as they arrived, so they wolfed down some McDonalds and then we started thinking about joining the line of people waiting to board the plane. Takeoff was still about a half-hour away yet, so my Dad went for a last-minute potty break. Shortly afterwards, my brother decided he'd go too.

A few minutes later Jeff returns. "Where's Dad?" -My Mom goes into a panic and she and Jeff run towards the bathroom while Ed and I sit with my Grandma and Aunt Dolores. My Mom returns, still no Dad, so she goes back to continue looking. Ed and I think about getting the girls on board since it'll take my Grandma awhile to get to her seat, but my Mom has their boarding passes. Grr. So, I start looking for my Dad too. There's so many people... I go back to the gate. Still no Dad. Ed's getting nervous now... As we talk about what to do, they announce last-call for boarding -they're going to give our seats away to stand-by's if we don't get on in the next few minutes. Great! So, I run down the hall looking for everyone while dialing my brother's cell phone. He picks up, I tell him what's going on -they still haven't found my Dad yet. I go back to the gate and Ed's talking to the lady behind the counter, but there's nothing they can do. They need everyone on board now or they'll give away our seats. Then I spot my Mom, Dad, and Jeff walking towards the gate. "Run!" I yell as they make the final call for passengers. They got there just in time. Whew!

So, we all settled into our seats for the flight and calmed down after that bit of excitement. Our flight time comes and goes while we sit and wait. "Hurry up and wait" is the motto of all travelers. I didn't let it get to me. It turned out we were waiting for the plane to be de-iced. When that was done, we got in line for take-off. As soon as we were up in the air we all relaxed with whatever diversion we brought with us -Ed on his laptop, me on my Palm, Jeff on his bean (an mp3 player).

We landed in Florida about a half-hour late, picked up our luggage, and got 2 taxis to bring us to the hotel. Once there we checked in, dropped off the huge mountain of luggage, and then grabbed 2 more taxis to go to Chili's for dinner.

Now, we chose Chili's just because we saw it on the way from the airport and they have a wide variety of food, so we figured it'd be the most convenient. Well, when the taxi pulled up to the restaurant we all just about died, the entire parking lot was full -I mean FULL of teenagers. The taxi couldn't hardly pull in because there were so many of them. So, we had to pick another place to eat. We chose a steak place which ended up being a lot like Texas Roadhouse, and everyone enjoyed it.

After dinner, we got 2 more taxis to get back to the hotel, then we all split up and went to bed. It'd be an early morning for all of us -especially Mom and I since I had an 8:30am appointment to get my hair and makeup done by Panache solon (near the pier).

Lying in bed was the first time I had a chance to really think about the fact that I was getting married. Nervousness started to set in. I tossed and turned a little, but luckily I was exhausted and eventually fell asleep.

Saturday, January 14:
When the alarm went off it was rush time again. I quickly got dressed in jeans and a zip-front shirt and met my Mom to grab a quick continental breakfast before heading to Panache salon in yet another taxi. This cab driver set herself apart, though. The entire ride was spent listening to horror stories about her children's weddings (that is, in-between her many many phone calls from her son). Bleh, but we got to the salon with a little time to spare.

When the hairdresser came in, she had me take a seat in her chair and she handed me two hairstyle books that looked like they came from the 1980's. The page she opened one of them to showed a bunch of up-do's -not what I was looking for. I ended up just explaining that I wanted maybe some curls and for her to somehow eliminate the harsh middle part in my hair. She immediately gathered the hair around my face and pulled it back and up just a little and said "what about something like this?". It looked nice, so we went with that.

For the next half hour I sat there while she sprayed small sections of hair with gallons of hair spray, curled it, sprayed it some more, then moved onto the next little section of hair. When she was done I had a beautiful helmet. No, really, it was beautiful! She even created these little florets of hair in the back -she did a really good job. And the hair wasn't going anywhere! -Which was good, 'cause it was really windy that day in Miami! (Actually, we lucked out because it was supposed to be rainy!)

After the hair was done, the makeup lady came to get me. I sat down in her chair surrounded by posters of women who looked like this. "How you wanna look?" she asked. "Uh... natural." I said while thinking about just how ironic it was that I was spending $80 for someone to make me look "natural". Anyway...

First she puts this lotion all over my face, then she dabs it off with some cheesecloth (or, at least, that's what it looked like). Next, she applies a gel all over. Then we get to the foundation, which was fine until she stuck her little foam applicator thingy up my nose -a little weird... I just sat there thinking that all those Hollywood people have to go through this at least once a day. I dunno if I could stand all that. Anyway, in the end she did a great job although it was weird looking at myself in the mirror -I looked like a porcelain doll!

We tipped both ladies, then decided to buy the lip gloss she used on me since the wedding was about 4 hours away. $28 later (for lip gloss!!!) we caught another taxi and headed for the pier. It was a short ride. We found our gate and waited for the rest of the family who arrived shortly after us.

When everyone was there and our baggage was checked, we headed upstairs to wait to board the ship. When we got there we found that Ed's family was already there. We took a minute to hug each other -we hadn't seen Doug and Yolanda in over a year, and it had been 6 months or so since we saw "Mom" or Sharon. After the hello's we introduced them to my family, and we all stood around talking and getting aquainted with one-another. No suprise that Jeff and Doug got along so well...

Soon Sue and Skip and their clan showed up (I was a little worried about them getting there since Keith didn't get into Ft Lauderdale until 9am) then we were herded to wait in a line. (During all of this we met our wedding coordinator who was a really nice girl, and our officiant who was also very nice. They went through how boarding and the ceremony would work, and the coordinator took down our request for wedding music and took really good care of the less moble people in our group.)

Eventually they let us through security and into registration. Our party got to go first since we had the earliest wedding. After getting through all that we waited some more (all this waiting resulted in Doug and my Dad getting a little silly. At 12:30pm we were finally allowed on the ship. That left us exactly a half hour to get to our rooms, change, and then get to the chapel.

Ed and I quickly dressed, then he headed to the chapel as instructed. I was to stay until the wedding coordinator came to get me. It seemed like forever sitting there waiting with nothing to do but get more and more nervous. -There was no time for worrying while rushing to get onboard, but now... Eventually there was a knock on the door, and we talked about how much she loved my Dad on the way to the chapel. We stopped short of the chapel where I met the photographer, Vlad, and he took a few pictures. Then it was up to the chapel -my Mom was just arriving; she was a wreck! -in full panic mode again. She started crying as she said "You're beautiful!" then she totally broke down about forgetting her camera in the stateroom. "Don't worry" I said -there was a professional photographer, plus Doug, Sue, Jenny, and Sharon were all taking pictures too!

They were still working on getting my Grandma and my Dad up the stairs on a chair-lift, so I had to stand out of the way and wait. I continued getting nervous while peeking at the chapel full of relatives. The officiant came out and explained that I'd walk out with my Dad, stop when he told me to, then he'd ask "Who gives this woman to this man", my Dad would say "I do" (he's been practicing for weeks now), then my Dad would kiss me, I'd take Ed's right hand (or was it the left), then turn around and stand on his left (or was it right?) with my ? hand on his ? arm.

Well, none of it went quite as planned, but it all worked out. Slightly misty (Marines don't cry), my Dad gave me away, I eventually got into the proper position, and the ceremony went on. It was quite nice. The officiant was great (although I was sometimes distracted by smiling for the photographer). We exchanged rings and vows, kissed, and walked out of the chapel as man and wife. -It still sounds weird saying that.

After walking back down the aisle and out of the chapel, we were ushered back in for more pictures. Stand here like this, smile. Now put your hand here, the bouquet there -smile. Now, come over here. And on and on. "Okay now to the reception."

The reception was held in Cloud Nine lounge -a pretty place with windows overlooking Miami and the harbor below. As soon as we got there, they lead us to the cake. After a quick picture of just the cake, it was time for a picture of us before cutting the cake. Then as we started cutting the cake. With the cake cut. Ready to feed each other the cake. Feeding each other the cake...
Then someone said "Come on, this is far too civil." -That's all Ed needed to hear, so he proceded to try to put the remaining cake DOWN MY DRESS!!! Luckily, with a few quick threats, I got him to stop short of actually doing it. There is a picture of that too, of course. :-P

After that came the toast, which my Dad made. Followed by his toast, Ed's Mom welcomed me to the family, which was sweet. A few others made short comments, then straight on to pictures of us with various family members. (Although I'm disappointed we never got Sharon in one of the family pictures...)

Anyway, after the family pictures Vlad sold us on another hour of photography around the ship. I'm very happy we did that, 'cause the pictures turned out great! (You can see all of them here.) So, we got about 1 minute to wolf down some cake before bringing everyone down to a staircase mid-ship for a group picture. On the way we took several pictures next to an old car and in front of a cafe. The group shot took awhile to compose, but worth the work 'cause it came out great too!

After the group shot, the family was free to explore the ship. We did the same, but lead by the photographer and at a lightning pace! We visited the dungeon, where we took humerous pictures, Boleros bar, the helicopter pad, the casino, the dining room, and a few other places. When our hour finally came to an end I thought my feet were going to fall off and I was unsure how the pictures would turn out. They ended up being beautiful, though IMO.

When all that was done we went straight to our cabin and... changed. :-P Then we explored the ship. At 4:30pm the muster drill was called. We grabbed our life jackets and met everyone else at our muster station. After that, the ship left Miami, so we went outside with Sharon to watch land slip out of sight behind us.

It was nice meeting up with everyone again at dinner although Sonny and Kay had been given an early dining time, so they weren't with us. We got the head waiter to change them over to our table during late dining for the rest of the trip, though.

After dinner Ed and I walked down the promenade, which looks like a city street, but it's on the inside of the ship (the Navigator of the Seas). When we got there, there were a whole bunch of people crowding around. We stuck around to see what was happening, it ended up being a Bon Voyage parade!

When that was done, we went outside to get some air. The full moon was out. It was a beautiful night. We both got some pictures and talked about how great everything worked out.

Sunday, January 15:
This was a full day at sea. We spent the day exploring, taking in a show at the Metropolis theater, buying art (a Brodinsky), etc.

Monday, January 16:
We didn't arrive in Puerto Rico until 2pm, so we had the morning to relax and eat a leisurely breakfast in the Windjammer restaurant. As we came into port, Ed and I grabbed his Mom and brought her up to an outside deck to get a nice view of San Juan. When we docked, Ed's Mom went with Doug and Yolanda while Sharon came with us to tour Old San Juan. We did a little shopping, then went to fort San Christobal.

After we'd seen everything there, we did some more shopping, then Sharon took off for the casino while Ed and I toured around some more. We went to a small park, saw some statues, and took pictures of the ship at night.

Eventually, it came time to get back on the ship, and we had dinner, then got our stuff ready for our dive early the next morning.

Tuesday, January 17:
The alarm went off at an hour that was never meant to be seen by vacationers. Luckily, the excitement of our first "real" dive enabled us to get out of bed, grab our gear, and meet the other divers at the onboard dive shop.

At the ship's dive shop we rented 3mil shorties for $10 apiece. The rest of our equipment we rented from the land-based dive shop, Water World Outfitters. After getting off the ship, we did a brief stop at their store for some people to pick up masks, snorkels, and fins, then we headed for the dive boat "Reef Safari" owned by Underwater Safari.

On the boat, our equipment was all set up already. The Dive Master showed each of us to a BC (buoyancy control vest) and tank that would fit them and we were underway. From here we had no idea what to do, so we just watched everyone else. We unpacked our bag, piled our mask, snorkel, and fins out of the way, clipped our whistle and Sensus Pro's (dive loggers, they record our depth, etc for future review) to our BC's with some carabiners I brought along, and I put my EMT shears, flashlight, and DiveRite (waterproof) notepad in my BC pocket. The safety sausages (signaling devices) we brought we left behind -I had no idea where to clip them. We figured we'd play with them next time we went to the quarry.

After getting all that settled, the DM (Dive Master) started handing out weight. Neither Ed nor I knew how much we needed, so he made his best guess. I (5'2", 135lbs) had 12lbs, which was perfect. Ed ended up needing 2lbs more on the 2nd dive, but that's still pretty accurate! Next came the pre-dive briefing which we listed to as we started getting into our wetsuits. The DM explained that there were something like 18 divers on board, 6 students and 12 certified divers. We'd dive as 2 groups, each going a different direction on both dives. We would do both a reef dive and a wreck dive without the boat moving in-between.

Soon after he was done talking, we arrived at our dive spot where we were the 3rd boat I think. The other boats just had snorkelers aboard, so the area wasn't croweded at all. Ed and I started gearing up. When I was ready, the DM checked me over, I checked my pressure guage (3100psi) and jumped in. The water was a nice warm 80 degrees. Shortly after I was in, Ed jumped in, and we switched from our reg to our snorkels to conserve air while the others got in the water.

When everyone was in, the DM gave us the okay to go down. Happily, I had no trouble with my ears and was able to descend easily. After getting close to the bottom, Ed and I adjusted our BC's to get neutral, then the DM signaled for our group to follow him. The "reef" was basically a pile of rocks with some coral and sponges growing on them. There was enough to see, but it wasn't nearly as nice as some I've seen snorkeling. We saw plenty of yellowtails, though, along with some squirrelfish, a big blowfish, and a small sea turtle! There were some bright purple sponges (at least I think they were sponges), coral, sea fans, etc that made for nice scenery too. We toured around a bit, then our ascent was slow. Max depth was around 65 feet and we were down for about 40min including a 3min safety stop.

After surfacing both Ed and I had big grins on our faces. We climbed back on the boat, then headed for a sunny spot to warm up. After a short break while the DM and his assistant switched our BC's to fresh tanks, we put the equipment back on, Ed got 2 more pounds of weight, and we jumped off the other side of the boat for the wreck dive.

The wreck we dove, the DM told us, was a drug boat sunk by the coast guard in about 80-100 feet of water. After a hurricane threw it up on land, in ended up back in the water where it now sits in 3 pieces at about 40-50 feet. It turns out it was really the Cartanza, a WWI steamer. Anyway...

A short swim brought us to the hull where Ed gave me "ok" signs with both hands and had a big grin on his face that could be seen, even behind his regulator! We toured it for awhile and saw lots of sargeant major fish swimming around. Some coral had started to grow on the boat, but not a whole lot.

After touring the hull, the DM banged his tank to signal us to follow him again. This time we saw the engine room. 2 engines were clearly visible (Ed and I are car geeks, so we thought they were cool) and as we were looking around someone ahead was pointing at something down inside the wreck. We swam towards them and finally I saw what they were pointing at. It was a barracuda -about 3 feet long! He poked his head out from down inside the wreck and slowly swam out so I could get his picture! ;-)

After that one by one we made our way over to the engine room where the ship had been broken in two. During the briefing for this dive, the DM explained that there was a small swim-through -entirely optional. We just had to swim inside an empty room about 8 feet square, the DM was inside standing under the 2.5-3 foot hole. We swam up to him, took a deep breath to start ascending up towards the hole, and the DM gave our tank a little push to help us out. It was easy, and a lot of fun. When everyone had gone through the DM banged his tank again and we headed to the 3rd piece of the ship for a quick look. There we saw more yellowtails, sargeant majors, and more purple sponges.

Another bang signaled that it was time to head back to the boat. As we swam we heard a low humming noise and everyone started looking around. It grew louder and louder and finally I saw a boat moving fast straight above us. We had no dive flag -I assumed the area was marked off so that boats didn't go through it, but I guess not! Anyway, we were still at about 30 feet, so we were all fine, but it was a little scary!

The rest of the swim back was non-eventful and we slowly ascended as we swam so when we got back to the boat we just held our safety stop. After that we boarded the same as before and Ed and I agreed we'd be diving again ASAP -we both had a great time!

When we got back, we went back to the ship to change, then headed to Charlotte Amelie for more shopping. When we were tired of that, we went back to the ship and got washed up for dinner, but not before stopping at a Cold Stone Creamery near the pier for some ice cream. (Who knew there'd be one in St Thomas!)

Wednesday, January18:
We arrived in St Maarten early and had plans to go on a bus tour with both sides of the family. My Dad, however, had a "bad night", so he slept all day and my Mom took the day for herself (it did her a world of good too!) So after a room service breakfast, Ed, Sharon, Jeff, and I took my Grandma, Aunt Dolores, and Ed's Mom on the bus tour instead. It was an entertaining ride; St Maarten is an interesting island. During the ride we got a feel for how the islanders live, then we stopped on the french side for some shopping.

We went through a mall, then to an open-air market where my Grandma was looking for a specific kind of bag to bring back for my Aunt Del and Aunt Marie. Well, in the quest we lost Ed, Sharon, and his Mom. And Jeff was off buying a beautiful ring for some lucky girl, so I was left to watch the clock and get us back to the bus on time. Well... I didn't. I got back late, but the driver waited for us (and we weren't the last ones on the bus either).

The next stop was a lookout where only Ed, Sharon, and I got out. It was nice, though, and Ed made friends with one of the island's many stray dogs. After that the driver brought us to the shopping district on the Dutch side where Ed, Sharon, Mom, and I got off. Gram and Dolores wanted to go back to the ship (I think they felt they were a burden -they were not). Jeff stayed with them.

When we were done shopping, we took a water taxi back to the ship to go relax before the ice show. Who ever heard of an ice skating show on a cruise ship, but hey -we had to go. I mean Ed's Mom, my Grandma, and my Aunt Dolores are big ice skating fans, so this was not to be skipped!

After the show was dinner, and we all agreed that we had had a whirlwind of a few days there. Luckily, the next day was another day at sea so we could take it a little easier and just relax. We got a jump on the relaxation by sitting in the hot tub for awhile after dinner with Jeff.

Thursday, January 19:
Ah, a day at sea. We all needed it. Ed and I slept in, had a leisurely breakfast, and then met up with my Mom, Grandma, Aunt Dolores, Jeff, and Kay on the promenade. It turned out they were going to bingo, so Ed and I followed. I spent $35 on cards and won absolutely nothing. Neither did anyone else. Jeff provided entertainment, however. He played bingo whenever he could throughout the trip, and by the end I think he started everyone saying "Yes!" everytime they got a number (any number). It was his shtick.

His other shtick, which did not catch on, was ripping limbs off his stuffed dog. -I guess they handed these dogs out or sold them at one of the first bingo games. The dog was good for a free card at each bingo game. It was supposed to bring him luck and Jeff thought he'd increase his odds by threatening the dog that he'd rip off a limb for each round of bingo he didn't win. Well, it didn't work. By the end of the cruise there was nothing left of the dog, and Jeff never did win a game. :(

Anyway, we spent the rest of the day at another art auction (we bought another piece of art, a Gockel this time) and doing similarly mellow activities.

After dinner we got together with the photographer, Vlad to go over our pictures. I was genuinely worried about them 'cause I usually take such bad pictures, but they turned out wonderfully. He even made us a slideshow which blew me away. When we were done going through the prints, we discussed what prints we wanted, and ended up leaving it in his hands after he got an idea of what we wanted to give to our parents, etc. When he wrote up the total cost I about died, but in the end it was worth it. I really love the pictures and the slide show, as I said is amazing.

When we left Vlad, it was about 1am and we were exhausted, so we went straight to bed.

Friday, January 20:
We woke up at about 9am and headed down to breakfast. On the way we saw Vlad in the centrum selling those 3D pictures in a glass cube things. We went down to say "hi" and ask him if he slept at all. "Does it look like I slept?" was his answer. Wow. The staff on cruise ships really put in the hours -and for 7 days a week! Plus, you never see anyone without a smile on their face. Anyway, we watched him manually editing each dot for one of those 3D crystal images on his laptop before the data was fed into the "printer". It's crazy how much work goes into those things. Well, Vlad's a perfectionist. Still, my brother bought a $25 keychain with a 3D image of his head in it for some girl's Mom. To think that hours of editing went into it... $25 almost seems unreasonable cheap!

We eventually did make it to breakfast, and the ship arrived in Nassau at about 1pm. Before getting off we met up with Jeff, so we ventured out together in search of a beach to spend our last day on. We found the free beach, but our attempt at finding rental equipment for snorkeling failed. No biggie. We set our stuff down in the sand, and headed for the water. It was cold!

The water in St Thomas was 80*F. This water was more like 70 I think. But we got used to it and ended up sitting in the water for quite awhile skipping rocks, splashing each other, just soaking up the sun, taking goofy pictures, and watching Jeff put coral up his nose.

Eventually we moved onto a quick bit of shopping, then headed to Senor Frog's for some lunch. The food wasn't bad (there sure was enough of it!) but it was kinda expensive -$72 for 3 people, no alcohol. I don't think I'll be going back there.

Anyway, after that we went back to the ship and washed up. When we were back out and about on the ship we ran into Vlad in the photo gallery while picking up some prints we had ordered. He was "printing" the crystal cube pictures. We got to watch. It was really neat to see.

When the crystal was on it's way to completion, Vlad told us that our pictures were ready and asked if we had brought along a bag to carry them back in. We had not, so we ran back up to the room and grabbed a bag from our stateroom that was about the size of a paper grocery bag. When Vlad saw that he laughed and said maybe he could find something else in the back. He disappeared behind the photo desk, and came out a little while later with our bag, another (bigger) bag, and a box full of stuff for us. Plus our other prints. Wow! -We had no idea we were getting so much stuff!

We got 2 silver frames, 4 portfolios, 2 large photo albums, 4 small photo albums, 3 complete sets of pictures, plus selected 8x10's and various other prints AND the negatives, the slide show, and all the pictures on CD. Whew!

We brought it all up to the room and quickly sorted the 5x7 pictures into 3 seperate sets to give out (1 to my Mom, one to Ed's Mom). Then we headed to dinner where we invited our families back to our cabin after dinner. My Grandma and Aunt Dolores opted out -they were pooped, but my Mom, Ed's Mom, and Sharon made it. We showed them all the slide show, then gave them the pictures and a small photo album.

Everyone loved the pictures as much as we did and after watching the slideshow a few times I've realized something. All along throughout the planning of the wedding I kept thinking of the event as a formality. Ed and I already lived together and we were already committed to each other, so I saw little significance to the wedding. After the fact, however, especially after viewing the slideshow which really touched me, I do see the significance. Both to us and to our families. It's an event that I'll never forget. -My love for Ed hasn't changed, but is made more significant somehow by... not only the ceremony itself, but the two families meeting each other, how well everyone got along... I don't know, but it was kinda sad to see the week come to an end.

But come to an end it did. We said our good-byes to Ed's family, then after everyone left our room we scrambled to get everything packed. The deadline for getting your luggage out in the hall to be collected was midnight and I think we got ours out at 11:59pm! We skipped our showers and fell into bed. In the morning the alarm went off at 6:30am and we got dressed, packed up our last-minute items, and met the family to wait for our luggage tag color to be called so we could get off the ship.

When we were called, we went down to baggage claim to collect our luggage. We got everything but our garmet bag and my Mom's big suitcase fairly quickly, but we waited and waited for those last two items. Eventually, new luggage tag colors started coming out. We started to get worried, and sent people to check the other carrousels for our missing luggage. Soon we found that others with our color were missing their luggage too. Royal Caribbean employees were notified and were making efforts to find our luggage. As we debated what time we'd be forced to leave for the airport to avoid missing our flight, our garmet bag turned up. We waited some more for my Mom's big suitcase, but we ended up having to leave before it was found. (In a way it was a good thing. The suitcase was overweighted, so my Mom had to pay $50 extra for American Airlines to fly it to Miami with us. So, since Royal Caribbean had to ship it to her, it saved her $50!)

The next step was boarding a bus to the airport. That went smoothly, thank goodness, as did check-in at the airport. We arrived at our gate as boarding was started -we had just enough time to grab some pizza to eat on the plane. Baggage claim at OHare went smoothly as well. From there Ed and I said goodbye to everyone, called a cab, and started for home.

Once home we debated going straight to bed (at 3:30pm!) vs grabbing something to eat. We decided to eat, but still ended up in bed fairly early. The next morning was laundry day. Back to the real world...

Wedding bands turned out nice!

We got our wedding bands from Bruce Boone last week (http://www.boonerings.com). They are beautiful. I got a good picture of them too:


Mine fits inside of Ed's, which is oddly amusing. Anyway, to see the full size, click here.

Wow! Been busy...

The wedding:
For those of you out there who are single -don't get married. No matter how "simple" you think your ceremony's going to be it's a big PITA. Live in sin for as long as possible. If the day comes where you realize how much cheaper your auto insurance, health insurance, etc will be if you get married, then proceed with your pracitical position on the matter and arrange some time at the local courthouse. If you want it to be special, book $50 rt airfare to Vegas and have Elvis marry you. All other options suck.

Every step of the planning has been painful. We originally decided to do the ceremony on a cruise because it'd make the planning much easier. No hall to book, reception, etc. They even take care of the flowers! What we didn't anticipate was: our original date, the one we put on our wedding announcements/invitations to be changed -the ship was chartered. Getting my grandma a passport being a big hassle. I think we started the paperwork in October, then found out that she didn't have a birth certificate 'cause she was born at home. Wait, no, she has one, but it's just a copy, we need a certified copy. We got that from Springfield in November and sent off for the passport. The post office delayed the application, she still doesn't have it. I just checked the law and it turns out they postponed it until next year. She could sail with a certified copy of her birth certificate. But, guess what? It was sent off with the passport application! So, we're 2 weeks away from sail date -everyone on the edge of their seat waiting for it to arrive in the mail. -I can just see us sailing away, leaving her on the dock. :-(

Blah. What else? Everything with the Travel Agent was a nightmare. I don't know how many times I had to ask her to put us down for late seating for dinner. Every invoice said "Early". Luckily, our tickets confirm we're set for the late as we wanted. The TA sent out reminder cards to all our guests with the wrong groom's name. I called and politely told her about it. She appologized profusely and I dropped it. The day before the next post cards were to go out, I reminded her about the groom's name and she said it wouldn't happen again. Well, guess what? Yep, 2nd post card goes out with the same (WRONG) groom's name. Geez! Then there's hotel reservations, renting medical equipment for Ed's mom, trying to arrange a pre-cruise dinner in Miami the night before the cruise, just a ton of little details...

But, we're finally ready I think. It's January 2nd and we just picked up my jewelry and Ed's shirt and tie for the wedding. Wednesday I get my dress back from the tailor (I'm shaped funny apparently). Next weekend we'll throw everything we own in a suitcase or two and head to Miami.

Left to do: Wait for a whole bunch of stuff for diving to be delivered. Stupid Xmas. I couldn't order anything I needed until Xmas was done incase I got some of it as gifts (I did, thanks Mom!). Make sure Ed has dress shoes -he's not sure. Make sure I have dress shoes -I'm not sure. (We're not "dress up" people.) Learn to walk in the thong heels I bought for the wedding. (Stupid, I know, but they're so cute!)


I know what you're thinking... They're green!?! Yep. I'm not one to do things "normal". My dress is white, fear not. It's actually just a white cotton sundress with a hawaiian hibiscus pattern in white on it. It's simple and pretty (like me?). *Smile*.

So, hair and makeup need to be scheduled, we need to pre-register, get the bus tour of St Maarten reserved for the whole family. Find out if we need to do anything before showing up at the airport (Am I the only one that finds e-tickets confusing?)

Oh yeah! The rings. Doh. We procrastinated due to some money issues when Ed was out of work, but since he's now much more happily employed at Performix (at least I think that's their name) we finally sent off for our rings. They're matching, titanium with a band of "mokume" -a japanese art form of folding different metals to make them look like wood grain when cooled. They're pretty cool. Once again, we're ordering from Boone. See them here: http://www.boonerings.com/htmpages/mokumetrigold.htm Hopefully they'll get here in time. We do have cheap rings in the wings just in case, but I don't want the "real" ones sitting on our doorstep while we're on vacation...

I have to get my nails done. Ew. I'm not looking forward to that at all! I can't stand to file my nails. I've never been able to do it -it makes shivers run down my spine.

Mom:
My Mom and I are grating on each other. Wow. Now that she's retired she's calling me every day at work. Besides that she's telling everyone that my Dad's delusional and he's not. Every time he gets mad and starts yelling, if I take him to a quiet place and try to figure out what he's trying to say, it makes sense -like one of his new meds seems to be making him dizzy or shaky.

Dad:
Well, he's still weak on the right side and his speach hasn't improved, but it looks like his meds are finally straightened out as far as his mood goes. I mean, he's still grouchy at times, but he's in a frustrating situation not being able to speak and my Mom drives him crazy at times too.

Work:
It's, well, interesting. I mean, we're getting sued by the State's Attourney, CUB, the ICC. We've also filed for bankruptcy, but they say that it'll all get straightened out.

The Cars:
The Eclipse is still Engineless, but we talked to Mitch a few days ago and it should be ready by February. It would have been ready about now, but we agreed to some changes that'll take a little more time. In the meantime I'll be bugging Ed to get working on the fuel upgrades, getting the front mount in -or at least figuring out the routing for the pipes. He can get the oil sump in and the hoses run as necessary... This car HAS to be up by the Shootout in August or we'll never hear the end of it!

My Laser is still broken. All it needs is the new(ish) transfer case installed and the new driveshaft bearings. The parts are on the way to do that. It's taken me, what, 4 months to get them ordered? Bleh. I'm just so sick of working on the thing. Everytime I think it's fixed something else breaks. I guess that's how it goes with a 14 year old car. But it's a lot of fun when it works. I just need to drive it again and I'll love it again, but for now it's referred to as the POS.

The WRX... click here for a pic, but it's BIG For those of you on dial up or who are too lazy to click the pic, the WRX is no longer in it's previous shape. The whole front end has been, er, "reconfigured" to take up less horizontal space. Okay, we got in an accident. On New Years Eve. Out partying? Nope, we're old, remember? We were coming back from my Mom's place at about 9pm -to get home before the "crazies" hit the road, and about a mile from their house we were sitting at a light on Blakhawk waiting to turn left onto Sauk Trail -the light was green, but we couldn't turn 'cause there was a car stalled in the intersection heading South on Blackhawk. The light turned red, so we stayed put. Traffic started moving around the stalled car, then the kid got it started and darted forward. A guy in a SUV was unable to see him until it was too late. BAM! The kid was T-boned by the SUV and then he ran head-on into us. Lovely. Why did it have to happen in this car? It's 6 months old!

The Jeep: What can I say, its still running. The only one, in fact, that we own that still works. Bleh. It also still sucks to drive with those huge knobby tires -great in the mud! Lousy for gas mileage and generally driving around, but at least it works.

SCUBA:
Ed got certified in October, I was certified about 7 years ago, but until now never had anyone to go with. I went with him to the classes, pool session, and even on the Open Water dives in the quarry. It was a good refresher for me since it had been so long since I dove. We both did really well and are quickly accumulating all the little stuff we need to dive in St Thomas. -We're renting all the equipment, but there's a bunch little stuff that I wanted for safety before we jump in the big scary ocean :-P

Photography:
I got a new digital camera -an Olympus C-5000 for super cheap on eBay plus an underwater housing for it so I can bring it diving with us. I've played with it a little on land and it takes good pictures -sometimes. The exposure and focus are tricky. Hopefully my underwater shots will turn out...

As far as my gallery goes... I don't know what I'm going to do about this, but the database is messed up again. It's all there and working, but I can't add any pics. Ed's current solution is to re-create it all. There's probably hudreds of pics in there right now! The pictures are still there, I'd just have to re-do all the captions, titles, etc. Grr... That's a lot of work. I'm not sure if I'm going to do that and then we'll start backing it up before he playes with potentially database-corrupting updates, changes, whatever -or maybe I'll just start using something without a database. A photoblog would kinda work, but I liked the Gallery layout. I'll probably go back to it. I just don't want to think about all the work involved. :-(

Xmas / Shower:
Another Xmas over with. This one was particularly stressful since I knew my Mom's side of the family was also throwing me a wedding shower. Ugh. I hate being the center of attention like that. Turned out my Dad's side did the same thing. But, we got through it and got some lovely things to boot! The gift Ed likes best is the breadmaker I think. He's made 3 loaves of bread in the 9 days that we've had it!

Excuses:
So, that's why this blog hasn't been updated in awhile. This should hold you for awhile, don't ya' think? I'm sure I'll have more to say after the cruise. I honestly can't wait until January 15th. The wedding will be over (see previous statement about me not liking to be in the spotlight), and I can enjoy the cruise. Even with my family being there -it's a big ship! Then, when I get back, no more wedding plans. Life will go back to normal. ...well my version of normal anyway.

My new (actually useful?) website!

Ed gave me a server and an IP address, so I'm finally able to put this domain that I registered YEARS ago to use...

It's still in its infancy, but it's my intent to make this into a good resource for finding outdoor activities in the area. Check it out: http://www.muddyboots.org

Any recommendations accepted whether about layout, content, whatever. All comments welcomed.

Being ripped apart

One of the worst forms of torture that I could imagine would involve being forced to sit, powerless, while watching your parents suffer physically and emotionally. But, that's pretty much what I'm going through right now...

My Mom called me this morning. She's hysterical and in tears again. She doesn't know what to do, she says -but when I ask her "about what?" she doesn't know. "Everything" is her only answer. I know this is hard on her and I try to offer the only help I can by trying to get her to go see a psychologist/psychiatrist, go to a support group, or at least call one of the people she's met who've been through the caregiver roll and have offered their help and support. But she won't do it. And this conversation has been had over and over again. It's a neverending cycle. She won't listen to my advice, and she won't seek the help of others. Instead she sits alone and allows her emotions to litterally drive her crazy.

Ironically (or not) her "I don't know what to do" quickly evolves into a conversation about her being abandoned by friends and family. This time not directly, but the pointed comment was: "are you planning to visit for 5 minutes and leave or what?".

So, what do I do? I know she's under stress and that what she really needs is someone to sympathize, but that's not something that fits my personality -especially when I'm continually being blamed for abandoning her even though I visit as often as possible (at least once every other week).

Bottom line: I think she needs to break this cycle of allowing her emotions to overwhelm her -figure out what problems your facing, which ones you have control over, and create a plan for dealing with those -leave the rest behind. She won't/can't do this, apparently, so I'm lost and left torn between feeling like I've let her down by not being the daughter that she needs right now and the conculsion that her emotional state isn't my problem (since she won't take my advice) so, she needs to grow up and figure this stuff out 'cause it won't magically disappear anytime soon.

In fact, she gives momentum to these mood swings... She keeps thinking that the next medication change will magically "fix him". She gets her hopes up, brings him home without asking for resources should he get violent again (that'd mean she doubted that "this time will be different"), then crashes when Dad gets angry and violent again. At this point, after at least 4 hospitalizations because of anger/violence, I think it's time to find a place where he can be cared for until there's reasonable proof that his mood is level and he won't get violent again. But my Mom sees this as "giving up" and she's actually said "what will people think about me if I do that?" -does it matter!?!

It all makes me sick, and the bottom line is I can't change anything. She'll keep calling me in times of crisis, hysterical, and blaming me for not being there or not wanting to be there -and in turn, I'll keep answering and keep going through this self-judgement of "am I doing enough for her?" on and on until Dad gets better or Mom and I finally decide to stop talking to each other.

Expectations hold you back

The following is good advice for anyone going through crisis...

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -Joseph Campbell

This is an important lesson. In life, there is no telling what will happen in the next 5 minutes much less tomorrow, or a week/month/year from now. We all know that, but we fall into routines that lead us to believe that the future is predictable. And when we think that way, we begin to plan our futures out years, sometimes decades in advance. Then one day we get blindsided by something unexpected and it threatens those plans that we've made.

It could be a spouse's illness that eclipses your lifelong dream of all that you'd do when you retired together. Or, it could come much earlier when your spouse hands you divorce papers unexpectedly and the dream of raising a family together has to be given up because one of you has changed their mind. And life changing events happen outside of relationships too, of course. It can even be a positive change like winning the lottery that leads to plan changes -good or bad. We've all heard stories of the demise of lottery winners.

How many times have you muttered the words "you never know what tomorrow might bring", but do you actually live that way? The majority of us go to work each day dreaming of the weekend, the next vacation, retirement. But, there's no guarantee that the weekend will come or that you'll be able to enjoy it. The frustrating part is that we often can't really "live each day as if it were our last" because the reality is that we must work for the money to provide both our basic needs, our comforts, recreation, etc.

So what do we do? Well, finding work that you love would be the ideal, but I'm still working on this. In the meantime the plan is not to plan too far ahead; make the best out your free time and when adversity comes along, accept it. In fact, plan on it. The alternative makes us blind to reality and causes us to miss things while we sort out where our plan went wrong -while we ponder "why me?"

An example -The other day on my way to work traffic was much worse than usual. We all crept along until we saw the flashing lights ahead and everyone in the left lane knew they had to merge right to get around the mess ahead. I put on my turn signal and looked in the rearview mirror in preparation to merge and saw the guy in the right lane (behind me) speed up to block my way. I was close to the end of my lane, so I had to continue slowly edging into the lane, forcing him to slow down or get hit. When I got into the right lane I looked behind me and saw the man punch his dashboard and shake his fist, screaming at me and (I assume) the traffic, the fact that he was going to be late for work, etc. -Then we passed the accident. I looked over at a gurney in the ambulance, a sheet drapped over the person inside. The firefighters, the ambulance crew, the police -no one was rushing. A car was bent all out of shape nearby. I looked back at the man, still glaring at me, still steaming because he was going to be late for work and I cost him one more car length. How could one miss how small a problem the traffic is in comparison to someone who just died 20 feet away from you?

Dwelling on the loss of your plan, and mourning the loss of the life you expected just wastes time. You have to deal with it. Figure out what your options are, make the best of what you got, and move on. It's the only answer. Ask someone who's been through real adversity (Christopher Reeve, Aron Ralston, Lance Armstrong) and they'll tell you the same thing. Whether it's a minor inconvenience like traffic, or a major life change like illness or divorce, you need to accept the reality that life can and will change on a dime, then you just have to move on.

Dream -canoe, sinking

Last night I had one of those dreams that I could vividly remember after waking up. In fact, I spent so much time thinking about what it meant that I couldn't get back to sleep. Anyway, here it is...

Ed and I were in a canoe. To be precise, it was my Dad's canoe, the "August Lee". As we started paddling, the canoe was sinking. Ed was in front, I was in back (my Dad's screaming "bow and stern" in my head). When the canoe was completely submerged, I told Ed to get out to see if that helped. Now, I didn't feel that it had anything to do with his weight. I feel I have to mention that 'cause he's back on a semi-diet and may be feeling sensitive about that... It was more of a surreal "you're bad luck" kinda thing (although that sounds bad too, doesn't it?).

So, Ed got out and was swimming beside the canoe, and that was working out much better. The canoe was only about half submerged, and may have been continuing to float more and more. I'm not sure though, because all of a sudden I was the one outside of the canoe, floating in the water, and at the top of a particularly rocky waterfall. The waterfall wasn't straight down, and I felt that I had seen it before -I knew it was in Starved Rock (although I can't say as I've ever seen this waterfall in real life). Anyway, it was sloped, but very rocky and dangerous to be going down. I felt panic about going over the edge, then found myself floating feet-first (like my Dad taught me, but I didn't do it on purpose or out of knowledge in the dream). I was unharmed at the bottom, and Ed was on shore to help me out of the water, but I woke up there at the bottom of the falls.

So... Meaning? Water, I'm told symbolizes the unconscious and/or emotion. I buy that and it seems to fit with the whole Ed thing as well. He's great at sometimes talking me into exploring the reasoning behind my thoughts/feelings/actions/beliefs. The big emotional thing in my life right now is my Mom and Dad (mostly my Mom dealing with my Dad) and Ed's been good at getting me to see the problem more objectively and making decisions logically rather than reacting to my Mom's drama.

When dreams involve being in a car, it's said that the occupants of the car all have a relationship. Well, Ed and I obviously have a relationship. Curious that I made him get out of the canoe, and that when I did I started floating out of the water more (became less emotional, more stable?).

It is also said about dreams about cars that whoever's driving is the leader of that relationship, the one who's perceived to be in control of it. Since I was in the stern, that's me. That's a good sign, although not suprising -I am a control freak after all.

The waterfall -the danger of loosing control of my emotions? Getting carried away by them? I am very afraid of loosing my temper with my Mom...

As for being at the bottom, seemingly unharmed, with Ed there (on shore -no longer emotional?) to help me out. I'm thinking that might be confirmation that I believe he'll always be there for me.

Any other observations or interpretations will have to wait. It's bedtime now.

Dad's stroke, a review.

This may be helpful to others going through something similar:

On June 8, 2005 my Dad had a stroke in the left side of his brain. It was not a hemorrhage (or a bleed in the brain), but an ischaemic stroke (blockage). The symptoms were slurred speech, confusion, and weakness on the right side. Prior to this he was brought to the hospital with similar symptoms, although more mild, and since they subsided before they got in to see a doctor, he was released. No one ever mentioned that these little episodes could have been transient ischemic attacks (or TIAs).

Lesson #1: If you have any stroke-like symptoms no matter how short-lived or mild, demand that they are looked into. Getting on medication early can prevent a stroke that will most likely cause brain damage!

The day of the stroke and the day after it my Dad was still having trouble with his speech. With some effort he could get a few words out and a short phrase here and there. His right side was weak, but he was able to feed himself and walk just fine (he'd stray to the right a little when he walked, though).

The day after the stroke my Dad was scheduled for an MRI and a swallow test, but both tests kept being delayed. The hospital had not allowed him any food or water in over 24 hours and my Dad started getting very angry. By noon he was shaking his fist at my Mom and saying "never again". As time went on he got more and more angry. Eventually they did the swallow test brought him some food, but it didn't help. He was still very angry and he began throwing things. Security had to be called. It was obvious that my Mom was getting the brunt of his anger, so she had to go wait down the hall while they tried to get him to take a tranquilizer.

The tranquilizer didn't help. He was pacing and my Mom was frantic. My Dad wanted to go home, and nothing we could do could convince him to stay. We begged the staff at the hospital to keep him, but since he was determined to be of sound mind, he was allowed to sign himself out. We asked the staff and his doctor what to do if he was to get violent, seeing how angry he was, but no one had any answers for us. So, we brought my Dad home.

Throughout this day (the day after the stroke) my Dad's speech grew more and more garbled. At the end of the day and for the next 3 months (so far) he hasn't been able to get any words out unless they're automatic responses like "Hi" when he sees me or 4 letter words when he drops something -stuff like that. The doctors say that after a stroke the brain swells, and it takes up to 6 months for the swelling to go down, so it can be awhile before you see the stroke victim regain speech, movement, etc. The movement on his right side grew worse in the days after the stroke as well. A couple days after it he was unable to eat using his right hand. Now, 3 months later he's able to again and he has good stregth in his arm and leg as well, but he's not 100% yet.

Lesson #2: Expect things to get worse before they get better.

Months later we're still having our ups and downs, but we're learning to ride out the bad times in anticipation of the good times to come. They always do. It's just a matter of time.

History repeats itself.

Sometimes I feel like I lived two separate childhoods.

From my earliest memories I can remember the days at home while my Dad was at work -my Mom stayed home and would play games with me, sit and watch me play in the front or backyard. When my Dad got home from work he'd turn into the "Shampoo Monster" and we'd play a game that ended up with him giving us a bath. I was a lucky kid -I had a sandbox, a big wheel, and a slip and slide... As I grew older I was allowed to ride my bike from "Adam's to Aimee's" (the houses of two kids, each about 5 houses down the block from ours). My parents bought us a 4-foot pool, one of the few on the block, and every year we went on vacation. Our family went camping, fishing, canoeing... We'd go out to my Grandpa's farm and shoot cans with our BB gun. It felt like we had it all.

Then there was the other side. I can't really remember when it started -not long after my Dad started a business at home, I think. He'd drink all day while we were at school and when we got home he'd be angry at us for stupid little stuff. He'd yell and we'd escape to a friend's house or to our rooms to play quietly. But, as we got older we got more defiant and it progressed to the point where he'd throw things. Not at us (usually), but numerous things got broken -remote controls, our Nintendo... I remember a pizza being thrown at the wall. It got to where we'd fear for our safety sometimes and I retreated to my room even more often. I remember late nights where I'd sit in my room with the door cracked just enough to see out while my Mom and Dad fought (verbally). He'd threaten to leave, she'd run after him begging him not to. I shed so many tears over his drinking and over the possibility that he'd leave us and I'd never see him again.

The bad times were definitely bad, but the good times were very good and the household seemed to swing from one extreme to the other as if hanging by a string and swaying in the wind. During the bad times I'd often write my Dad letters asking him to please stop drinking -for his health, for me, for the family... He ended up going into AA for awhile, and for a brief period the mood was more stable, but then -without the alcohol to medicate him, he grew even angrier and then slipped back to drinking again. After that he no longer just threatened to leave, he would leave, sometimes for a day or two, sometimes for a week or longer. The first time he was found in Joliet. He was so drunk he didn't even know his own name. This was all taking it's toll on my Mom, so letters would no longer do, and I'd be the one following him as he packed his stuff to leave yet again. I'd follow him out to the driveway and beg him to stay while my Mom fell apart in the house. Just like my letters, my begging went ignored and I would watch him drive down the block through the tears in my eyes. Every time I felt like my heart was torn out and I worried that he might kill someone (or himself) while driving drunk.

When I finally left home, I worked very heard to leave those things behind me and slowly came to the realization that I wasn't responsible for his moods and I couldn't do anything then or now to help the situation. I sympathized with it, but I had learned to live my own life, separate from their drama. Then my Dad had his stroke...

Now, there exists all the old problems (my Dad's anger, his wanting to drink, my Mom's going to pieces and him wanting to leave), but there's also new problems (the added frustration of him not being able to communicate, my Mom's fear of his health getting worse and her wanting to do all she can to help him regain what was lost when he had the stroke). All of it together is simply too much for my Mom to handle. So, when it gets really bad, she calls me crying and in hysterics.

This last time, Monday, she called saying he wants to leave again and begging me to talk to him. -This is a common thing, she wants me to talk to him over the phone, but he can't talk back! -He tries, but its gibberish and it serves only to frustrate him and me both. So, he's agitated, and she wants me to talk him out of leaving. Gee, the situation sounds familiar. But instead of getting angry about it I think: my Dad's had this stroke, and my Mom's been a saint looking after him 24x7, so I start trying to come up with other solutions. I ask her the name of the Social Worker that worked with my Dad the last time he was in the hospital -she might have some ideas, or at least some contacts for support groups for my Mom so that when this thing blows over, she can get some help. My Mom says no one can help, she's tried everything -she can't go to a support group because she has to take care of him, the doctors are no help, friends and family refuse to help her, and on and on until she's so hysterical that I can barely make out what she's saying.

Mom: "Just talk to him"
Erica: "It's not going to do any good. We need to come up with a solution here."
Mom: "Talk to your father, calm him down for me."
Erica: "It's never worked in the past, it's only going to frustrate him more when I don't understand what he's saying. We need to call someone to find out what our options are, what was the name of the Social Worker at UIC?"

We do this over and over again until... Silence. She's hung up on me.

And I'm left knowing that my Dad is angry, probably violent (as he has been since the stroke), and I'm cut off -an hour and a half away, not knowing what's going on, unable to do anything to help them because my Mom can't think straight while she's stressed out like this. I let it blow over and try to continue what I was doing before (working on my car), but I'm angry, upset, and hurt by what transpired. I can't get anything done because my thoughts keep going back to the phone call. Was I wrong? Should I have talked to him? (She puts him on the phone everytime I call to see how they're doing. It's uncomfortable. He talks on and on and on and it's all babble -the same sounds over and over, but in his head they make sense. There's nothing I can say but "I'm sorry, Dad, I don't understand" and the phone goes back to my Mom.)

An hour later I can't stand it anymore. I feel guilty for not taking some sort of action, so I call my brother. He's been better at calming her down through these situations before. But, when he answers, I find out he's as frustrated with her as I am. He agrees, however, to call her and see if he can help at all.

As soon as I put the phone down it rings again. It's my Mom. Do I pick it up? My whole body trembles. I want this to be over, one way or another. Is it good news, or bad? Does she want to apologize? Does she realize how childish the hang-up was? -I pick it up.

Mom: "I just wanted to let you know that it's a little better."
Erica: "That's good to hear. -I just got off the phone with Jeff, he said he was going to call you."
Mom: "Call him back and tell him not to call me."
Erica: "He's probably already dialing your number, why don't you want to talk to him?"
Mom: "The least you can do is talk to your father when I ask"

Then, silence again -she hung up on me a second time! My heart beat speeds up, tears start forming in my eyes, my whole body begins to tremble... I was taken back to the days where I watched the two of them fighting through the crack in my door. It took awhile, but I calmed myself down, then took it out on my exercise bike and went to bed.

My next contact with my Mom came yesterday via email:

Mom: "guess what today is?"
Erica: "your anniversary"
Mom: "yes, Bad morning. I'm going to need some help from someone...."
Erica: "You need to ASK for help when you need it. What do you need?"
Mom: "Time away from Dad..the only time I have is here at work. Friends and family seem to disappear at times like this."

We've been through this before too, and over and over I've offered to sit with Dad to give her a break, I'd do anything she'd ask of me, but when I visit, she never asks for anything at all. And as for me "disappearing" -I was there a week ago Monday!

Before the stroke I visited once a month, now I'm there every week or every other week. She keeps bringing this up, that I don't visit enough, that I should have been there to help her mow Gram's grass last week. I'm sick of being made to feel like a bad daughter because I can't anticipate her needs and be there when she needs help (without her asking). Never once has a request of her's been denied by me or my brother, but we continually are made to feel like we're abandoning her. I'm having an increasingly hard time trying to balance being grateful that she's there and caring for my Dad 24x7 with the total and utter frustration of her endless accusations that I'm a bad daughter while shes totally unable to take my (or anyone's) advice. She claims she can't get away from my Dad to go to support group meetings, but she's called me in great triumph when she's left him alone while she went grocery shopping. She won't call anyone to find out what her options are when my Dad tries to leave, and despite him being "dried out" while he was in the hospital, I came to find out last week that she's been GIVING ALCOHOL TO HIM!!!

How do I come up with sympathy for her situation when she continuously creates it? All the problems that they are having, aside from the communication problem that undoubtedly amplifies everything else, were there before the stroke. -I feel like they should have either dealt with all these issues a long time ago, or divorced back when I was in Jr High or High School.

I don't know what to do or what to think anymore. This is all driving me crazy. I have my own sources of stress, my own life, and I believe that I'm entitled to an entire weekend here and there to recover from work and everything else that's going on. So, where's the line between being a caring member of a family, and being a bad daughter? Right now I feel like just packing up the dog, grabbing Ed, and disappearing.

Normal people watch TV.

I climbed the stairs slowly, trying not to touch anything. I got to the bedroom and decided I wasn't really sure how I was going to get a towel out of the closet. Well, I figured I'd do it just like last time -I took off my t-shirt, turned it inside-out, and wrapped it around my hand before opening the closet door. I grabbed a towel through my t-shirt covered hands, and placed it in the bathroom, then grabbed the remote off of my bedstand. I turned on the TV, not caring what was on. -I just wanted some background noise so I didn't have to focus completely on anything in particular. I dropped the t-shirt in the dirty clothes bin, unzipped my boots and put them away, socks, belt, jeans...

I stood there in my underware, hands black with oil and grease from the car and turned to the TV. It was a program called "Spy" on WTTW (channel 11). -It was a reality show, but it looked kinda interesting. I thought about the millions of people across the country who were at home right now, sitting infront of the TV. Me? -I was exhausted and I was jealous. I turned the TV off and got into the shower.

In the shower, I scrubbed away the result of a night's work on my car -well, most of it. Then I headed to bed to get as much sleep as possible before getting up for work the next day.

The TV was on for all of 5-10 minutes. I think that was the first time it was on all week. Normal people watch TV. I work on my car.

Kite Surfing!

A couple years ago I really wanted to learn how to surf. I looked up places in Hawaii where you can stay at a resort and learn, etc -but eventually I realized that I live about 1500 miles from the nearest ocean and perhaps surfing wouldn't be the most practical sport to pick up. But now that's all changed. I found "kite surfing".

Here's a good slideshow to see what kite surfing is about: http://www.kitehigh.nl/kitesurfing-pictures/displayimage.php?album=lastup&cat=16&pos=3

It looks like even more fun than surfing, and "the windy city" is the PERFECT place for it. -Problem? It costs about $500 for lessons, it's a difficult sport to learn, and it's about $2000 for the starter equipment. -That being said, I'd sign up in a minute if I could find someone willing to go with me.

Hello?

Anyone?

Too much going on at once... Frustrated...

Tuesday:

• I call and reschedule our dental appointments.
• I call our travel agent to let her know that her postcard said "The Steeve-Mason Wedding Cruise" instead of 'Steeve-Marshall'. I also asked for our cabin numbers so I can fill out the paperwork for the wedding.
• I confirm the directions to the Dunes, the cost to get in, etc. So Ed can write an email to his coworkers.
  
• Ed says I should cancel one of the campsites, so I call and cancel it.
• My Mom calls and asks me to call the travel agent and book a cabin for my brother. I do.
• The travel agent calls back with the room numbers, but has our cabin wrong and everyone's meal times wrong.
• I send out an email to everyone with their cabin numbers and a map of the floor we're all on.
• I get home and Ed wants me to make chili to bring camping. He wants chipotle peppers in it. I make the chili, then he tells me that the people camping with us don't like spicy food. The chili is spicy. Are we bringing it anyway? No. Okay, we'll have it for dinner tomorrow.
• After that I do laundry so we have stuff to pack for the camping trip and stuff to wear when we get back in case we don't have time to do laundry on Sunday night.
  

Wednesday:

• Ed asked me yesterday to email Rudy about the available bed in Jeff's cabin. I email him about it.
• When we get home Ed decides we'll bring the chili camping after all. Okay, so what's for dinner? Luckily we have frozen pizzas. I make frozen pizza for us instead.
• We leave for the Dunes Friday after work, and there's a lot to get done before we go. I want to get the shopping over with. I ask Ed to come with, he says he doesn't feel like it. -Neither do I.
• Ed invites Kris over.
• I drag all the stuff out of the shed and start going through it so we can get it all packed on Friday night and figure out if we need to buy anything before we go shopping tomorrow. Ed helps a little, but since he has company, I do most of it. After an hour and a half of sorting stuff out I realize it's bedtime and go take a shower, etc.

Thursday:

• Ed wakes up late as usual. 5 minutes before we leave, just as he's finished getting dressed, he realizes it's garbage day and I have to help him get the garbage together so we can leave ASAP.
• And the day has just begun... I have to resume packing our camping equipment, pack our clothes, shop for equipment we need, and shop for groceries for the trip.

I know it'll be nice to get away and go camping, but I really need a break RIGHT NOW!!!

What Constitutional Rights?

To put this out there bluntly: OUR CONSITUTIONAL RIGHTS ARE BEING TAKEN AWAY! Each day, little by little, because no one's doing anything about it. How long does it take to write a letter to your representatives? To read the news? To vote?

My previous post was about the government seizing property for private use. That'd be your 4th Amendment right against illegal searches and SEIZURES!

A law prohibiting flag burning just passed the House. -That's your 1st Amendment right to free SPEECH!

Wake up! We are in real danger of loosing our ability to claim this as a "FREE" Country!

Gov't can seize your house to build a mall!

Unbelievable -A Supreme Court ruling says the government can seize residential or business property against the owner's will for private development. That means that if they think they could make more tax revenue off your property if there was a mall there, they can take your land (see "eminent domain") and sell it to a private builder who'll build the mall.

Read about it here: link and here.

Dad -Laughing!

My Mom called me today to tell me that she visited my Dad today after work and he's in a MUCH better mood. He finally went to therapy, and I guess that she had him laughing! She said that it might have something to do with her own attitude after posting on www.strokeboard.net and getting some support from the other caregivers there. She talked to him them needing to find new ways to communicate, and I guess he got across the fact that he's feeling that same "pins and needles" feeling that Jeff felt when feeling was coming back to his arm a few years ago. -That's gotta be frustrating for him (he's feeling it from his right toe, all the way up the right side of his body, down to the fingers on his right hand, and up to the top of his head). But, that means the nerves are coming back. And that's a good thing.

I guess she also talked to him about him getting out in the garden to help her revive it and he got the word "outside" out. -I'm sure he wants to get out of that hospital and we all know he likes to be outside.

Because he's doing so well walking, they're talking about releasing him from the hospital. My Mom's more at ease with this since his mood change. I guess the doctor(s) are going to meet with her on Tuesday about the discharge. I assume that he'll continue speech therapy as an outpatient. I know he'll be happier at home...

Not-So Happy Father's Day

I spent the weekend trying to figure out what to get for Dad for Father's Day. I had no ideas, as usual, but especially with his shifting moods. I really wanted to get him something that would entertain him while he's stuck in the hospital, but I guess anything of value keeps getting stolen from his room at St. James hospital in Chicago Heights.

I ended up getting frustrated, but we went for coffee at Barnes and Noble and a coffee-table book caught my eye (I usually flip through them while Ed's finding his magazines). As I went through it a picture caught my eye. A waterfall. It looked familiar... I flipped back. Wow!!! It was Calf Creek falls!

Anyone outside of our family wouldn't know the significance, but my Dad always tried to find little out-of-the-way places to go on our family vacations -places that weren't so overrun with tourists, etc. He found out about Calf Creek, but when we arrived it was pretty late. He talked to a ranger who told him that we'd have to hike in and out pretty fast to get back by nightfall. We had a "family meeting" and decided to go for it.

Now, I was sick as a dog and it was HOT out (it's in Utah). Not only that, but the hiking was up and down, part rocky, part deep sand -none of it easy to walk through. We had to keep up a good pace as it was a ways to the falls, and me being hot, sick, and tired didn't make it much fun. Finally, as we approached a curve in the trail ahead we felt a rush of cool air and the mist of the falls. It felt soooo good we all ran to the falls. It was a beautiful sight! The waterfall was outlined on the rock by bright green algae, and the whole place was just this little oasis in the woods. My Dad said "If I came across this while heading West back in the gold rush days, I woulda built a house and stayed here!"

We all sat down where we stood and ripped our shoes and socks off to head for the cool water after the long, hot hike. But the water was not just cool, it was COLD. My Mom describes it like this: "When you stepped into the water up to your ankles, your KNEES hurt it was so cold." -It didn't stop me or Jeff, however. We headed to a place where the rocks sloped at an easy angle from the water to see if we could climb up at all. I think Jeff got there first, and before he got very far, he slid down the rock face and into the water. (The rock was all covered with algae.) I tried next, but got no further.

We spend enough time there to soak in the sights and cool down in the water, but the sun was going down fast and we had to leave sooner than any of us wanted to. The hike back was just as hard, but more motivated as darkness nipped at our heals. -But, we made it back safe and sound (and with one more story to tell of adventure on a family vacation).

So, I had to get the book for my Dad. Because of the aphasia (inability to communicate/understand language), my Dad can't read, but luckily, next to all the pictures in the book is a globe with the location of where the picture was taken marked on it. -That's cool. I also got him 2 cards. One Father's Day card with a really neat "outdoor" picture on the front -kindof a multi-media thingy made of felt, tacks (as tent stakes), string, etc. and another "Get Well Soon" card. -I figured that if we could have a bunch of cards in his room, it might cheer him up and let him know that he's being thought of.

On Sunday I went down to see my Mom. Another adventure! On the way, she calls to tell me my brother "thinks he got his car towed". -She wanted to know if I knew of the website where you can look to see if your car's been towed. Several phone calls (and voicemails to my brother) later, she found it and the car had, in fact, been towed. So, my brother had to take a cab to the impound lot where they told him that he needed to buy a city sticker before they could release the car. He took another cab to a currency exchange, got a sticker, got the car...

We all, eventually, made it to my Mom's house and visited my Dad in the hospital. He was VERY tired and didn't want company (he kept waving us off, like "go away"). So, we went down the cafeteria for an hour or so, then checked back in to see if he was feeling better. Nope. Still grouchy and not in the mood for company. We didn't push him, and left for dinner instead.

My Mom's been a trooper in all of this. It's hard to be there for someone who's angry and depressed, but she's done all she could for him at every turn. Luckily, we were able to get her to laugh over dinner (especially Jeff and his stories), then we went back to her place and I showed her a great forum for stroke victims, survivors, and caretakers. It's here: www.strokeboard.net.

That's about it. That was my Father's Day. First one, probably, without seeing much of my Dad. :-(

Maybe Dad's not giving up after all?

I got a call from my Mom -she said that some psychologists were brought in to talk to Dad because he hasn't eaten in 4 days, refuses his meds, and won't go to therapy. When the psychologists were done, my Mom met with them briefly in the hall to tell them what's been going on. They asked her if she thought he had lost the will to live, and she said that yes, that was her fear. The psychologist then went back into my Dad's room to ask him. When he came back out he told my Mom that he had NOT lost the will to live. -VERY good news!

She went into the room to visit with him, and I guess he broke down. Hopefully he knows how much we all care about him and how scarred we are that he's been refusing foods and meds. She comforted him, and then I guess he ate like crazy and got a tummy ache.

We're all ecstatic. I think this is a big leap forward. Perhaps dealing with this is like mourning where you have to go through stages. Maybe he's through the anger stage, and now is into depression? That would be progress at least.

Rant. Totally stressed out.

Okay, so we're leaving on vacation in 8 days. My Mom was going to take our dog while we're away, but with my Dad's recent stroke, she can't take him. So, we have no idea who we can get to take care of the dog. I asked everyone at work and no one can take him. All the kennels will most likely be booked because we're going during a popular time (July 4 weekend). -I have no idea what we're going to do.

My Dad is refusing food, meds, and therapy. I think he's giving up. The only hope is that his doctor can get some psychologists in there to see him and work on his anti-depression medication (they've recently switched kinds, so that may have something to do with this).

My Mom's going nuts over this. Especially because my Dad's taking his anger out on her. He pushes her out of his hospital room and slams the door. -Not good.

We have a big upgrade happening this weekend at work, which means extra hours for me (bad timing).

Our paperwork for our wedding ceremony (we've decided to just let RCCL do it) is over due.

My Plymouth Laser is still in pieces; we're waiting on the head and oem parts from Mitch.

We bought a new car on Saturday, it's in the shop today to remove 2 small dents and 2 paint chips, so I'm driving a loaner. I just remembered that Ed was going to drive into work tomorrow to pick up the head and parts, but I'm supposed to return the loaner and pick up our car at lunch tomorrow. -Doh!

We bought a new car! (Subaru Impreza WRX wagon)

Ed and I had been talking about getting a new car for awhile, and the timing just seemed right since we were 3 weeks from leaving on a driving vacation with only 1 out of 3 of our cars working. And that car being the Jeep without air conditioning and getting a max of 12mpg!

So, we walked car lots on Sundays and talked about our wants and needs. Hauling capacity would be important considering that this car will be a replacement for the Jeep. But, the major problem with the Jeep is that it's so slow that Ed hates driving it. So, it has to have at least a little "pep". Ed wanted a Lightning (truck). I didn't want a truck. We looked at the Murano. That's not really what we were looking for either. When Subaru's WRX wagon was brought up, we knew that was a great fit for us. We spent some time looking for alternatives, and found that the WRX wagon was for us. (Although the words "we're buying a STATION WAGON" were uttered in disbelief several times.)

On Saturday, June 11? we went to Bill Jacob's Subaru of Joliet and took a test drive of a WRX wagon. I didn't drive, I just tested the visibility -I'm so short that I can't see over the steering wheel of some cars -luckily, the WRX has a hight-adjustable seat. I knew from the pedal pressure that it'd take some time for me to get used to the clutch (it's MUCH lighter than my 2600lb clutch on my DSM). So, Ed drove it. He didn't get on it at all -he was afraid he'd get in trouble with the sales guy who came along for the ride. At the end of the ride the sales guy didn't pressure us at all, we left knowing that this car would work well for us, and knowing the options that we wanted.

Then we were left with the buying process. We both hate negotiating. One of us has even paid sticker price for a car before! So, I got online and researched like crazy. With the options we wanted, this is what we were told invoice should be along with what we should shoot for for a price:

• Edmunds.com:
  
• Invoice = $23,373
  
• TMV ("What others are paying") = $23,714
• Consumer Reports:
  
• Invoice = $23,373
  
• Wholesale price = $22,637 ($736 subtracted for eliminating the dealer holdback)
• Blue Book:
  
• Invoice = $23,373
  
• New Car Blue Book = $24,740

So, invoice price was clear, but there was almost $2000 difference in "target price". The first thing I did was research the dealer holdback. It turns out that this is a percentage of MSRP that the manufacturer gives the dealer upon sale of the vehicle. The thing is, that this holdback is like a rebate for the dealership, the salesperson you negotiate with will never see that money -it's just part of the cost of the vehicle as far as they're concerned.

Some of the better material I found for researching car purchases:

• For looking up invoice and target prices:
  
• www.edmunds.com
• www.kbb.com (Blue Book)
  
• For general car buying tips:
  
• www.carbuyingtips.com
• www.edmunds.com -look through all the articles here, lots of good stuff
• "Confessions of a car salesman" -VERY good read about how car salesman view the transactionow
• "How to negotiate a great deal on a new car" -forum with VERY good advice from a former car salesman. -Part I
  
• "How to negotiate a great deal on a new car" -forum with VERY good advice from a former car salesman. -Part I

So, armed with all this information, I used the "Get Free Quotes" button on Edmunds' site I think to get some online quotes. This was a mistake. The car dealers they contacted emailed me asking for specifics about the vehicle I wanted. You can eliminate the confusion by logging onto the website for the car dealerships in your area and filling out a quote request from them directly -for the actual car that you want (as long as you want something they have on their lot).

24 hours or less after filling out the quote requests, I got some replies:

• Northshore Subaru quote: $23,877+fees, minus a $1500 rebate or a low financing option. So, basically their quote was $22,377 assumin we'd take the rebate. -I was blown away. This beat the lowest "target" price that I had found!
• Naperville Subaru quote: $22,601+fees (including the $1500 rebate).
  
• Countryside Subaru quote: $21,975 and with all fees came to $23,895 OTD

At this point, I was questioning the "target prices" that I received. Perhaps Edwards and the rest padded their prices at the request of their "advertising partners" (dealerships)? So, I researched some more and ran across the "How to negotiate a great deal" threat on the forum at FatWallet.com -on that site, a guy who claimed to have worked for a car dealership before said that your target price should be Invoice - rebates, including all taxes and fees. He said you should never pay more than invoice "out the door". -I readjusted my target price to be $22,500 "out the door" and emailed the dealerships back to let them know that this was what I was willing to pay. The result was shocking!

They all said: "Good luck."

None of them even made a counter-offer. The difference in price was $1,395 (basically the cost of the taxes and fees). I figured maybe they were playing a waiting game, but 48 hours later I was still waiting. I tried taunting a few, but they wouldn't budge so we gave up and called Countryside since their quote was the lowest.

We drove down to Countryside in sweltering heat in a noisy, gas-hog of a Jeep with no air conditioning. Once inside, we met the guy I had been emailing about the quote, Dave Edwards (Sales Manager), and we sat down to fill out the paperwork. In the process, we learned that although the dealership is about 25 miles away from our house, Dave lives just a couple blocks from us!

After the basic paperwork, we looked at the car (as it was getting washed), then sat down to fill out the financing info. I was prepared here as well. I had filled out an application for an auto loan from E-Loan (online), and got a rate of 6.52%. That was a lot higher than I had expected since I ordered a credit report and score and found that I had "Very Good" credit. (Their advertised rate was 5.2%.) But, this gave us a benchmark for whatever interest rate the dealership came back with. -Worst case, we go with E-Loan.

When Dave Edwards came back with our rates, they were much better than E-Loan's. It turned out that our monthly payments were cheaper if we went with the lower interest rate rather than the $1500 rebate, so we did that (the difference was only $5 a month).

Next, we were handed off to a woman who tried to sell us on rust-proofing and scotch-guarding every square inch of the car for the low-low price of $5000 (not really, but...). We passed, signed some papers saying that we'll clean up our own spilled ice cream, etc. and we got outta there. She wasn't overly pushy, but it was very scripted and not particularly fun.

After that we sat and watched that really old Hercules vs Medusa movie with really bad (clay-mation) "special effects" from the 70's while waiting to see the financial guy to finalize the loan. It took awhile to get called into the guy's office, but he explained that the real finance guy was out sick, and he was just covering for him. So, we filled out the loan paperwork -all very easy stuff, and we were soon sent back to see Dave Edwards.

Dave was really busy (being the Sales Manager and all), so he had "Tray" show us our car, which they had put in a room just off the showroom for our viewing in the comfort of the A/C. In the room was a chalk board which said "Congratulations:" (they had forgotten to put our names on it, but Ed and I were both glad about this). Anyway, Tray showed us every single feature of our car from the climate controls to the radio, to the security system, and all the little cubby holes that Subaru provides for storage. After the walk-through he handed us the keys, and Ed got to drive the car "right off the showroom floor". -It was cheesy, but...

I followed Ed home -he in the air condition goodness of the *New* WRX wagon, and me in the stickyness of the old, loud, "naturally cooled" Jeep. When we got home, Ed got out of the car and headed inside while I headed for the WRX for my first shot at driving it.

I still couldn't believe the lightness of the clutch as I backed out of the driveway, but it was the heavy flywheel gave me problems while driving. I was rev'ing way too high, and it took forever for the rpm's to come down. I didn't stall it, however, and by the end of the trip around the block I was able to get a feel for the car. It's quick after 3000 rpm, and the suspension's pretty stiff. I think it'll be a great autocross car! -It actually came with a year's membership to SCCA; how cool is that!?!

So, at the end of my trip, I park the car and go inside assuming that Ed would be at the door ready to hear what I think about the car and to share his thoughts on it. But no... He's at his laptop.

"There" he says.

"'There' what?" I says.

"Just ordered parts."

"What! We've owned it for..." -I look at my watch. "53 minutes and you've already ordered parts for it!"

"A short-shifter and some bushings." he says.

"Oh. Okay. Yeah, that shifter is really loose and it could definitely use to be shortened."

Heh, so we're both hopeless. -We're trying hard not to void the warranty on it, and to keep our mods to things that won't put us any higher than STX class in autocross. -Wish us luck!

Last night I had a very vivid dream about having surgery on my head.

Okay, Wednesday my Dad had a stroke, and that night I had a dream that I was going to have surgery on my eye. The focus of the dream was really more about before the surgery -I snuck out of the hospital, etc. But I was worried about the surgery, yada yada.

Last night, after visiting my dad in the hospital, I had a dream that I needed surgery on my head. The scalp, really, I guess. The doctor was my dentist, and he was doing the usual "We're going to make you comfortable now, you shouldn't feel a thing." It seemed to be a second try at the proceedure, and after a shot that was supposed to both numb the area and put me to sleep, I was bent over the arm of a leather sofa in his office (head down on the cushion). He started shaving the area he would make the incision on (middle of the back of my head), and I was thinking that I was really groggy, but I could feel the electric razor he was using. So I moved a little to let him know that I could feel it, and he asked if I was awake and feeling the razor. I kindof got the word yes out, but I was drooly and groggy and it was hard to talk. He said "Okay, well it shoulda kicked in, but I'll give it more time." And in the meantime he kept shaving. I was getting more and more groggy, but I could still feel the electric razor, and was afraid I'd feel the knife. Finally he asked "Can you feel this? Are you sleeping?" And I couldn't get anything out. I could move my hand and feet alittle, that was it. So he continued talking. Okay, looks like you're pretty much out, so I'm going to get my scalpal over here. And we'll make an incision about here..." -I felt a light scratch and wondered if he had cut all the way in and that'd be all I felt, 'cause I could handle that... Then he makes the real cut, and I didn't feel any pain, but he says pretty calmly "Sorry, I gotta go get the trama team" and I feel warmth running down by neck and back. I reallized pretty quick that he cut two main arteries (juggulars?) and while he left the room, I reached up with my hands to put pressure on the squirting arteries, but it was like two water fountains, and I was quickly loosing consciousness.

Nice, huh?

So, my dad had a stroke on Wednesday...

I got a call at about 11am on Wednesday. It was my Mom: "He's okay, but I wanted you to know -Dad's in the hospital, he had a stroke." Not that it was a shock, really. In fact, I've always counted on getting this call. My dad's really never, you know, taken care of himself...

Luckily, it was mild. He has mild facial paralysis and his speach is impared, and, for awhile, so was his ability to understand I am told. His right side is slightly weaker than the left, but he's walking just fine -in fact, I'm not sure my Mom has noticed this yet.

I spent the day at work on Wednesday worrying about what was going on. I didn't get another call from my Mom until I was ready to leave work at 4pm, and at that time nothing had changed. The ride home from work was long; my thoughts were on all of the fun my dad and I have had together when I was little: doing woodworking projects, family vacations, etc. -And the present: he and my Mom just bought a new car, and have been taking road trips. Things seemed to be looking up for them after a long bout of depression... Now this.

Thursday, yesterday, I took off of work and went to go see my Mom and Dad. Dad looked better than I had feared. No facial expressions, but he was walking fine. His words were jumbled, but every once in awhile, with great effort, he'd get one or two out. It seemed he understood what we were saying -the doctor asked to shake hands, and my dad did, etc. But he was MAD! Most of the words we understood contained four letters, and he got more and more agitated as the day went on.

To be fair, he was admitted to St James in Olympia Fields at 8:30am or so. They did all kinds of tests including a swallow test and they all came out good. He wasn't able to get water down, but thick liquids he could swallow just fine. There was no bleeding in the brain, etc. He finally got into a room later in the day where he was waiting for an MRI to make sure there were no more clots that would cause any more strokes. As of 4pm he hadn't gotten the MRI yet, nor had he been given any food. In fact, when I got to the hospital the next day, at about 11am he still hadn't had the MRI or food. At about 1pm he was taken for a more complete swallow test, which was good, but lunch time had passed and he wasn't even given a snack. The nurse said he'd be in for the MRI by 2pm, but 2pm came and went. Seems the machine was down in the morning, and they had a back-log.

At about 3pm my Dad put his pants on and started to walk out of the hospital. At this point he was able to get short phrases out, and they weren't nice. My Mom was freaking out on two fronts. First, he was very agitated, and she was afraid to bring him home in this state. Second, he was still undergoing treatment and needed the MRI. She didn't want to see him have another stroke... But, he was deemed mentally competant, so the hospital was unable to force him to stay. They took out his stint (for the IV) and had him sign a paper that said he was leaving without medical consent. Then he was out the door.

We were given his new perscriptions, the name and phone number for his doctor, and some advice on his diet ("mechanically soft": pasta, mashed potatoes, bread, etc) and my mom took him home while Ed and I picked up his perscriptions and some food. By the time I got to my parent's house, my Dad had made popcorn, ate it and went to bed. My Mom was hysterical. I tried to explain that there was nothing we could do until tomorrow. Leaving her like that was difficult. I'm not really sure what anyone can do, though. She's going to call his VA doctor tomorrow. He trusts that guy, and maybe he can convince my dad to let himself be admitted to another hospital. He's just so angry! I hope he doesn't try to harm my mom -or himself!

Illinois HB2221 will make "performance" exhaust illegal.

"chicagotalontsi" posted to the ChiDSM mailing list yesterday saying:

" A bill (H.B. 2221) to ban vehicles equipped with a “muffler or exhaust
system that clearly has been modified to amplify or increase the noise of the vehicle” was introduced at the last minute and is moving through the Illinois Legislature at breakneck speed. Under the bill, vehicles determined to have been modified by virtue of a “visual observation” will fail emissions inspection.

Time is of the Essence! We Urge You to Call or Fax Members of the Senate
Environment and Energy Committee (List Attached) Immediately to Oppose H.B. 2221

* H.B. 2221 ignores the fact that aftermarket exhaust systems are designed to make vehicles run more efficiently without increasing emissions.

* H.B. 2221 does not supply emissions inspectors with a clear standard to
enforce (e.g. decibel limit under a sound test procedure), allowing them to make subjective judgments based on “visual observations” on whether or not a modified exhaust system is in violation.

* H.B. 2221 fails to recognize that aftermarket exhaust systems offer
increased performance, which can make a vehicle safer by improving its ability to merge, pass, travel uphill, etc.

* H.B. 2221 would make it impossible for hobbyists to replace factory
exhaust systems with more durable, better performing options."


I immediately wrote a letter and faxed both my state Senator and Representative, then I posted a link to a website that'll give you the names/numbers for your elected officials.

The response on the list was disappointing:

Jonathan Katz: "Seriously, if you get a new exhaust at Midas and it happens to be a little louder than stock (like the police will have decible meters and a listingof stock db values) is it then illegal?"

Daniel (EvoRS): "just swap the whole exhaust when we go for emmisions:)"


I swear. These people will be up in arms when they fail emissions because this bill is passed. How hard is it to write a letter and fax or mail it? This is how stupid laws get passed. Lazy citizens who talk about how much a bill sucks, but won't lift a finger to try to prevent it.

I'm not sure what I'll do if this law is passed. I'm certainly not swapping my exhaust every 2 years when I go for emissions. What bull$hit. Perhaps it'll convince Ed to move to Florida.

Before I go, let me just say, that I agree that excessively loud exhaust is a problem, but it's already dealt with via local noise ordinances!

Bush withholding information on Bolton, but still wants up or down vote...

Not sure if Bush withholding information is news, but this whole Bolton thing really cheeses me off. Here's the NYTimes link: Bush Hints He Will Withhold Other Papers on Bolton.

Vitamins and Minerals as Sleeping Pills?

I've always had problems getting to sleep and/or staying asleep and I've tried: routines, reading before bed, cutting out caffiene, not exercising before bed, etc. Those all helped me fall asleep faster, but they didn't help me stay asleep -I'd still wake up in the middle of the night, and not be able to go back to sleep.

Well, I read an article a few months ago about the effect of minerals on sleep. Calcium, it said, helps you get to sleep. This is why the old folk wisdom says to drink warm milk. But, too much Calcium can make you have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom because the calcium settles in your bladder and makes you feel like you have to go. To fix this you need more Magnesium so that your body can absorb the Calcium.

Magnesium provides the brain with energy. Too much magnesium, and you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep. (My problem.) The answer, again, is to balance the Calcium/Magnesium ratio. Either cut down on the Magnesium, or increase the Calcium.

In researching "B vitamins" I found that Niacin is also a sleep inducer. It's supposed to be calming.

So, I put all this together, and I've been taking the following before bed for over a month now:

• 250mg Magnesium (as Magnesium Oxide)
• 315mg Calcium Citrate (+200IU Vitamin D to help absorbtion)
• 500mg Flush Free Niacin (as inositol hexanicotinate + 42mg Calcium Carbonate)

It's been working out very well. The number of nights that I've woken up and not been able to go back to sleep have decreased dramatically. I'm not as tired during the day anymore (I was living on coffee before, but have only had the occassional cup since taking the supplements). I'm impressed and intend to keep it up!

Looking for a book to read?

A friend of ours reminded me of a really cool book that I read a long time ago. It's called "The Long Walk" by Stephen King, writing as Richard Bachman. If you're a fan of odd fiction and haven't read it, you should pick it up.

The Terrorists Have Won: 1 more personal freedom eroded in the name of "security":

Article about a new x-ray machine that's being tested in airports that allows a security guard to see through your clothing to determine whether or not you have weapons on you: http://news.com.com/Airport+screeners+could+see+X-rated+X-rays/2100-7348_3-5718163.html?tag=nefd.top

More info about the scanner: http://www.freedomisslavery.info/index.php?p=1138

First of all, how many problems have we had with attempted airplane hijackings since 9/11? -I can't find ANY attempts on flights originating from the US on this site here, so we must debate the issue of these scanners with the understanding that the attacks we are trying to prevent are extremely rare. Is the use of these scanners justified? I think not.

The scanner is designed to give it's operator a clear picture of what's under a person's clothes including nipples and genitals, but it is not designed to penetrate the skin. So hiding weapons in body orifaces are still an option. Similarly, if a man of girth were to hide weapons in his, uh... skin folds, they would not be seen. And, why not just put the weapons in your carry-on? I've seen the images they get from those scanners, and they instill about as much confidence as the half-asleep security guard who is looking at the screen.

Rather than invading people's privacy by implementing controvercial and expensive equipment like this, why not think about how 9/11 occurred for a moment. Simply locking the cabin where the pilots are (from the inside) would have been sufficiant! -Let's not use a bazooka to kill a fly.

One more reason the invasion of privacy is unjustified: Let's assume our airport security is totally unpenatrable. -Those who are motivated to attack us with airplanes could simply hijack a plane originating from Mexico or Canada -or even further if they didn't mind less fuel to feed the fire after the crash.

I'm sure there's more, but I'll leave you with this comment from Slashdot:

"The city of boston started with 1000 camera's for the convention, promising it was only for the convention, then deciding to keep them.

The city of chicago followed next, installing 3000 camera's. They can look inside cars. They can tell if you're smoking a joint. They can tell if you're talking to a prostitute.

The city of naperville is installing fingerprint machines in order for people to use the library.

The United States Congress is pushing for a national ID card, with biometrics.

Lets face it, people will soon be tracked, it will be impossible to just slip into a city. The police will know who you are and where you are at all times.

They will soon take your DNA, without your agreement. Anyone hear about DNA dragnets being used in towns? And it is easy for them to get it. They pull you over in your car, they take you down to the station with a bogus charge. They take your picture and fingerprints. They then tell you, we'll we made a mistake, sorry, you're free to go. And as you leave, they vacum up the hair that fell out off your head. Now they have all the information, and there is nothing you can do about it.

So what if they can see you naked? Big deal. That should be the least of your worries, that Officer Friendly can see your wee-wee. What would worry me more is he can keep a tab on what your reading at the library.

Databases are here to stay, and in the future your whole life will exist in a database, somewhere.

It sucks, but that is the preperation for the revolution. If you're not willing to work 50 hours a week just to cover your rent, you will be labled a terrorist. Cuba is waiting for all who complain."

(http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/05/27/0521232&from=rss)

Bush's next judicial nominee?

Unprompted, this judge decided that these parents' religion wasn't "mainstream" enough, and forbid them to involve their child in their religious practices!

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050526/NEWS01/505260481

Breaking News: Sit-ups won't flatten your tummy!

Well, Spring's here and everyone's a-buzz about diet and exercise. Now's the time that we pay the price for all those cookies and treats we shoved into our mouths while our sweaters hid the growing bulge. The bulge has been revealed, and now's the time to start talking about doing something about it...

I've been in an enormous number of discussions with co-workers and other acquaintences about starting a diet and exercise routine. It seems a twice yearly event: first comes New Year's and our resolutions after making pigs of ourselves over the holidays. Then, the stores start putting out the swimsuits and we remember why we were going to start the diet in January. There's no time now! Ahhh!!! The only way to save face is to recognize the problem and start talking to people about the fact that you're going to take action... Tomorrow.

I know it's easier to talk then to do it... My real aggravation is the fact that I've heard, at least three times now, people say "I've got to start doing sit-ups. I have to loose this tummy/gut".

If you want to bulk up your biceps, what do you do? You do arm curls! -What's different about your stomach? Nothing. If you do 100 sit-ups a day, you'll only succeed in "bulking up" your stomach, it definitely won't help you get rid of the fat there. It just doesn't work that way!

Fat lives all over your body, and it's actually nomadic. The fat cells release themselves from your thighs, travel through your bloodstream (in case you need them for energy), and then re-deposit themselves in, say, your stomach ('cause you're just sitting there). So, exercising one part of the body will not reduce the fat in that one area alone. In fact, strength-training exercises like sit-ups and arm curls don't do much to reduce your body fat (at least not in the short-term). Your best bet for loosing fat is aerobic exercise (running, jogging, speed-walking, riding a bike, rollerblading, etc -and you don't get the full benefit of the exercise until you at LEAST 15 to 20 minutes into it). See, aerobic exercise allows you to use up those fat cells that are floating around in your bloodstream and they won't continuously get re-deposited. After 15 or 20 minutes, your body starts relealizing that you might actually keep going, so it starts releasing more fat cells into the bloodstream so you have the energy to continue. You burn more fat as a result.

Now, if you can't do aerobic exercise -there's still hope. Strength-training exercises (again, sit-ups and the like) do help you burn some fat while you do them (but not nearly as much), and they help you burn more fat when you're at rest (just to keep that extra muscle alive). But, if you stop exercising, that muscle will be re-absorbed by your body, and guess what'll replace it?

Anyway, that's your primer on exercise...
Go forth and talk about running instead of about doing sit-ups.

DSMs tend to decide their own upgrade paths...

Another post that starts with Grr...

Grr.

I'm happily researching spring rates so that I can buy the shocks and coilover kit that I've been looking at for the last few weeks when I get an instant message from Ed...

(10:01:37) logic_: Got a minute to talk about your head?

And thus all my plans have changed.

See, my car's currently down for a long overdue timing belt change (91,100 miles). -I figured it was about that time since we have a driving vacation coming up in less than 2 months and I doubt Ed's car will be ready in time (we don't have his engine yet). So, we got it up in the air a few days ago, and started on it. We're currently waiting for a timing belt tensioner tool before we can proceed with the actual timing belt change, but in the mean time there are other things that can be started like my balance shaft elimination (to raise the oil pressure). The only problem we've run into so far is a massive oil leak on the driver's side, possibly from something in the vicinity of the front case (we're still tracking it down).

Now all the parts for the timing belt change were bought awhile ago, so barring any suprises we should be good there. I decided I have $1000 to fix my suspension (it's not only sloppy, but getting dangerous at this point). I also just sold an intercooler that I paid about $400 for, for $600. So I have $600 that I planned to use to replace my seat with a "race seat". (It's not as ricey as it sounds, see, I had to put spacers under my seat so I could see over the dash and because of the weird OEM seat bracket, it's a really hacky job. I'm not so sure it'd hold in an accident, so I'm wanting to replace it ASAP).

But, with Ed's IM the plans have changed. Seems he thinks the head gasket might be going (he never mentioned anything about this before today). He talked to Mitch (the guy who's building his engine) and he agrees, given Ed's description of the problem: white smoke coming from exhaust (I never noticed), coolant got low with no visible leaks (we just swapped the radiator, maybe there was air in it?), and it's been sputtering (every once in awhile -we attributed it to a vacuum leak a few days ago...). To even check it, we'd have to take the head off and apparently, when you do that you need to resurface it. Mitch says the exhaust dowels (?) are also probably in need of replacing. "And while he's got it" we may as well think about getting some other things done.

In the end, here's what I'm looking at:
Stage 1 Head Work:
* Bowl Work
* Check valves
* Bronze guides honed to size
* Multi Angle valve job
* Viton Stem Seals
* Resurface on Mill to MLS Gasket standard

Plus:
* Engine Springs (both with Ti retainers) -for the bigger cams in my future
* Titanium Retainers
* Revised Lifters -because the ones I have now tick. Alot.

The list price for the above work is somewhere between $1057-$1118.

Now, we'll be getting together with Mitch and he may be able to come down on price somewhat. He also may tell me that some of the above is unnecessary, but he also might come up with more stuff to do (porting, polishing, etc).

So... My plans for suspension are on hold. I may have to just do the shocks, and do the springs later. I'm also thinking about skipping the seat for now.

Vacation's just around the corner and I'm not taking the Jeep to Canada....

Bleh, stay tuned for the next episode of "If my DSM worked I'd drive it off of a cliff." :-P