Family

I can't describe what it's like being a member of a family who stops talking to each other at the drop of a hat, but I can describe the events surrounding it to some degree.

Some background first: My Aunt and my Grandma had a very close relationship throughout my childhood. I believe they went to church together every Sunday, then spent the rest of the day together as well. But...

About 20 years ago a decision was made. My Aunt's house was said to be too small to hold the entire family for Xmas. So, Xmas was moved to the clubhouse at my Grandma's condo instead. From that year on my immediate family also stopped visiting my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin.

10 years ago or so the first steps were made to re-establish communication with them. The step was small, awkward, and behind my Grandma's back. From that point on written communication continued in a polite way, but in-person visits did not.

Skip ahead to my Grandma's 90th birthday party. I wasn't told that my Aunt was going to be there. But, as I stood talking to a group of people, I saw her face outside the window. I couldn't believe it. My chin hit the floor. What was she doing here? Was the feud over? ...When they entered my Aunt said "Erica?" and I said "Yes" and went over and hugged her. My Uncle and Cousin looked elsewhere around the room obviously not looking to be next in the hug line... Then my Aunt asked where my Grandma was, I pointed her out, and that was it. For the rest of the evening we didn't talk. I felt like I was the one that angered them and caused the feud...

What kind of family cuts ties for 20 years? And what kind of family has such a cold reaction after not seeing each other for so long?

Supporting a cause VS being confrontational about it

I've yet to come right out and say this on my blog because I have no idea who reads it. I know my Mom's read a couple of my photography-related posts that were linked to from Flickr, but I don't think she reads it regularly. Anyway, I consider myself bi. There. That should be fun if my family finds it...

Anyway, I deeply believe in supporting gay rights. In fact, I can't understand how anyone can deny that it's a cut and dry civil rights issue. So, there's a part of me that wants to put that HRC sticker on the back of my car.

Similarly, I want a Darwin Fish or something to counter all the religious cr@p people put on the backs of their cars.

Both are reactions to feeling attacked. Is it really a fault to be attracted to people of the same sex? Science says it's not a choice, and I have felt this way all my life. My only choice was to restrict myself to men and the result is that I've always questioned myself to the point where I felt asexual at times. Everything in my life has to be carefully controlled and outwardly perfect just like I was raised to be when our family was being torn apart by alcoholism. (Which is no one's fault, it's just a disease we need to find better treatments for.)

And, the religious (Christian) fundamentals (I try hard not to lump everyone into that group, but...) are trying to push science out of schools when our schools are doing so poorly already. They interrupt a Hindu guest's opening prayer in the Senate, while calling for more religious tolerance (huh?). And they fight to exclude the recognition of other religions by protesting stores that wish people "Happy Holidays" rather than restrict their kindness to Christians by wishing their customers a "Merry Christmas".

So, what am I to do? I feel the need to fight back. Explain my views. So, I started thinking about getting a couple bumper stickers. Until...

I walked into Starbucks one day, ordered a mocha, and went to sit down. I noticed that the lady beside working feverishly on her laptop had a rainbow sticker on there. Cool. She's a "friendly". I went on with my sipping, reading my cup, talking to Ed, etc. Then, I glanced over again and looked at the rest of the stickers on her laptop. Wow. There must have been at least 10 -the whole top was covered in stickers, and every last one of them related to her sexuality.

It was then that I realized that that's not who I want to be. Despite our similar positions on GLBT issues, she's more like the people I hate than those I'd want to align myself with. The problem -no matter what side of either debate we are on, is militantism. So, you're a Christian and I'm an atheist. As long as we respect each other's beliefs, why does it matter? Don't try to push me to believe what you believe, and I won't argue with you about why I think your beliefs are silly. End of story. -Sure, gay marriage isn't quite as easily dismissed because there's laws being considered, and that means a side must be taken, and a vote cast either for or against. But, if that same mindset were applied, I think we'd all be better off.

To push this (probably farther than I should) -I mean, what are the arguments against gay marriage? Well, you have a majority Christian nation who's led by a church who interprets one line in the Old Testament as saying homosexuality is bad. (Of course, that line is just a few pages away from several lines explaining that God wants you to make sacrifices of "burnt flesh" to him, but hey, that's the OLD Testament, no one really believes that stuff anym... oh, wait...). And the other argument is that it'd corrupt heterosexual marriage (how is that, exactly?). The one issue that may hold water is homosexual couples raising children, but that's a seperate issue anyway, isn't it? I mean, a gay couple can't produce children on their own... Yes, I know they can find a donor and produce a child that way -my answer for that is this: There are no parenting classes or consideration given to heterosexual couples who want to marry. Known violent offenders can marry anyone, including each other. Retarded couples can marry and have children...

Blah. This is just making me angrier. What do I, as a reasonable adult do? Fight back and add to the horde of people who take an in-your-face stance on their positions? Or do I sit back down and just hope people come to their senses on their own. One thing's for sure, you'll never change anyone's mind with a bumper sticker. So, how do you quietly make your arguments known? Perhaps my answer lies in my first reaction to the woman in Starbucks when I thought she just had one rainbow sticker... Hmm...

A correction about the Starbucks woman is here.

Getting your passport can be one of the most exciting parts of your trip!

In March my husband and I started planning our semi-annual trip to Canada to visit his mother and I realized that, because we got married last year, I'd have to update my passport to reflect my new last name. I downloaded the form, filled it out, and read on the instructions that it usually takes 6-8 weeks, but could take up to 10 weeks to get a new passport. So, I counted up the days until our trip in May and found that I had 77 days, so I did not expedite my application for the additional $60 charge.

Now, when I applied for my first passport ever it took about a month for me to get it. So, around mid-April I began keeping an eye out for my passport whenever I went to the mailbox to get the mail. But, April came and went, and a couple weeks into May I began to worry. We had over $2,000 in plane tickets and our trip was to begin on the 24th. So, I started looking into checking up on my application.

The first thing I found was that you can check your passport status online, but all it told me was that my application was "in process"... The other option was to call their customer service numbers, but it said they'd only speak with you if your trip date was 14 days away or less. Mine was 3 weeks away, so I marked my calendar and continued to keep an eye on my mailbox.

2 weeks before my trip I still didn't have my passport, so I dialed the passport agency's number. I listened to their loooong messages about how busy they were due to the passport rules change. When it finally got to the part where I'd wait for a customer service representative, it instead hung up on my because there were already too many people in the queue. So, I dialed and dialed until I was able to get into the queue. When they answered, I was promised that it'd be expedited, but told to call again in 2 days to be sure. "Easy for you to say" I replied. But, again I marked my calendar and waited.

The next time I called I learned that pressing "9" after the "I'm sorry, we're busy" message would put you back to the beginning of the recording so you didn't have to re-dial. I also learned that just pressing the buttons for the options you wanted cut off the long recording and got you to the point where you'd get in the queue or get hung up on quicker. So, I went around and around in their phone tree until I got into the queue and got a person on the phone. The rep said it had been expedited, and told me to call back in 2 days to make sure they were working on it.

And so it went, me calling every 2 days and them doing nothing (or little) and asking me to call back again. When it was 6 days before my trip date, I decided that more had to be done. I googled for other things I could be doing to speed the process up. I found several people who claimed that calling their Representative's local office helped them. So, I called.

The interesting thing about calling my Rep's office -no phone tree, no getting hung up on, no waiting in a queue. I got a personal contact, and SHE called ME with updates! I highly recommend calling your Rep if the clock is ticking down on your upcoming trip!

In the end, though, I got my passport less than 24 hours before my trip! It turns out that they are processing passport applications by trip date rather than first-come-first-served and that includes expedited applications. Expediting means very little at this point. It's all based on trip date. More than once I wished I had lied about my departure date. Just by a couple days. They never asked for verification, and I would have slept a lot better in the few days before my trip!

Blah, so my vacation started out quite exciting, but at least I made it. I have a feeling that there are others who aren't as lucky. Or... there soon will be. The passport office needs to step things up. Their rules are creating this backup! If they can't keep up, they should repeal the rules until they can. It's insane that in this "free" country we're unable to travel freely as we did just months ago) to our neighboring countries.